Nov 18, 2008

just as soon as i belong, then it's time i disappear

i'm dying for a really dark mood photoshoot. too bad that i'm not looking or feeling too photogenic right now. but still, a "professional" photoshoot would be cool. like makeup and all, lighting and so on. yeah.
what the fuck am i doing awake anyway, i have a job interview in what, 12 hours ? i should go to sleep, and definitely not be sitting here sipping wine (hardy's, it's really not THAT good, gato negro was way better...) and listening to metallica. definitely not xD but since when have i had brains ?
tomorrow, i think, i shall go to some gym and work my ass off. and swimming wouldn't do any harm either. my whole body is sore and stiff, and all this is not because i'd train too much, no no. it's because i have stopped any physical work i was having a routine with... must get back in shape. sometimes i disgust myself so much it hurts. most of the time i just push those thoughts back in my head and focus on something else. too bad that i have way too much time on my hands right now, since i'm still unemployed and well, do basically nothing during my awake hours. this all is really eating away the strength i had managed to gather up. too much, way too much time on my hands, way too much time to think. it's shit, you know ?

MAN do i wish i was born some decade and a half earlier than i was. oh the gorgeous 80s. too bad i'm too young to have lived those years the way i would've liked to.

i need boots.

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