ugh. that's all i can say. *eats pills*

do the "i love you"

hmm over ten days since i last updated. oh well, most peeps who i know are reading this blog already know that i've been staying at Goa since 18th day. i was really sick for most of the first week here... but i'm mostly okay now ^^ i started working at kataja event/evening service on thursday last week. it's been fun ! and my wrist isn't killing me, yet atleast. i have lost weight, aiski-shi's jeans are hardly staying up when i walk xD i'm glad thought that i have lost weight, and gotten fit. muscles, muscles, i love theeeeem~~~ all the things there i've been trying to fit in my head have caused me some stress and feeling stupid, useless even. but i'm getting there. today i left in my first workhourlist, 7 days of salary i shall await. and on monday i'll get the workclothes, finally. and no orders anywhere, yet. happyyyy !
aisuki is not here today, and wasn't at work, either. she had her wisdom tooth removed and left to lahti before i even got "home"...
agh i'm dying for some salty greasy lardy stuff... and candy x____x *death*

oh well. my brains fell on off mode. can't write anything more. i know i had something i wanted to get out of my system. fuck this. i'll go get a lonkero from the balcony.

i know that it's killing me, and it's poisoning the best of me

how much luck can one person have. my over a week lasting headache exploded on saturday, leaving me needing a visit to hospital... i got medicines which cost a fortune. and sickleave. the doctor thought that it's not a good idea if go to work on monday. and NOW i agree with her, hence the fact that i woke up few hours ago to a feeling of PAIN. my head hurt, my eyes hurt, my airways were feeling blocked and i had sweat the sheets and my t-shirt all wet. nice. so i popped the antibiotics in my mouth and some pain killers and headed to soak myself in boiling hot shower for half an hour. it helped to get some of the slime residing in my lungs and ontelotvity to come out... ah shit i still need to pack up all the stuff i will need since i'm not coming back to kotka that soon. and i need to and visit some offices and my apartment to get bills and stuff out. fucking hell.
oh yeah, as if it isn't all too cheery already: i think i broke my toe yesterday 8) the little toe of my right foot, it's been broken a number of times before so it's nothing new. but it hurts xD i rule the art of FAIL.

five for japanese babies

so the endurance races take place on 21st of september, it's sunday. i don't think i'll be taking part on those this time because i won't be here to train my dear. but i'll go and be on the service troops at least 8)
now i should REALLY go and take a shower, then make myself human, search some papers and then head off to city centre and take care of shitty busineeeeees. blah this is death. but evening today and tomorrow it's filly <3 and sunday morning some long maasto trip. god i'm going to miss her so bad...

in the sudden rain, although you stop again, you still believe in me

i am fucking coming to herushinki on sunday and starting the job on monday. holy shit. things are moving so fast P___P i was thinking that the job would possibly start on the 25th earliest .D not that i'm complaining too much, just need to try and be extra good and efficient on monday and wednesday. monday it's GB Gym martial arts show at 6 pm. bohoho why can't it be 7 pm. and on wednesday my girl lands on the surface of finland 6:10 pm. gyahaha. times times times. oh shit i think i'll be SO fucking beat after the first week 8D thank heavens i have aiski-shi as my sensei there ^^ she'll teach me everything i need to know about that job. she better not be quitting there too soon, no leaving me alone >8( BUT WORK MEANS MONEY AND IN THIS CASE IT MEANS LOTS OF MONEY. just need to check my taxes. the percent and all, i really have no idea at all how that works. i hope i won't have to make too many calls and fill too much papers. damn i hate papers. i hate byrocracy (or how the fuck you spell it dun care). ah shit i can't find that tax paper. shit. gotta search hard. tomorrow's going to be hectic. gotta run to a office after office. shit. shit. shit. AND FUCK YEAH XDDDDDDDDD

okay. i'm shaking. you guys should have seen me when aiski-shi called me. i was fucking sparkling :DD this silly grin still finds it's way to my face. god i love that girl SO MUCH !

today still to stables, ride with lulubell. maybe some dressage. hopefully that biatch won't start jumping on my face, i don't want anything to ruin my mood now that it's up for a change ^^

oh yeah, me and marji kinda agreed that we're going to go and shake our asses next weeks weekend. partyyyyy it is y/y ? maybe xD

an understanding, it's impossible

i finally got to finish reading this fic ---> Silent Hill (scroll down a few entries, it's there) and damn i loved it. the author had finished it too, since i last checked the page. i liked her writing a lot... makes me want to drown in to a world that's not even there. it would be so much easier just to try and keep going, killing everything that comes in your way, constantly fighting to stay alive and make it to the next day.

i decided to try with the pills again. can't take the pressure on/in my chest anymore. it's almost like i feel too much and my body just can't cope with it. i feel like i need to move and do things, or else i'll choke or just simply crumble down in pieces.

off for now, to smoke and well, maybe do some push ups and stuff.

i see you, type of girl with the pearls and all, jewels and all

three and more nights in a row i lay awake 'till late morning hours. i usually am up to see the sun rise. some part of me awaits, just a little something to tell me... well yeah. i get nothing thought. except a mention in a writing, a fucking question. you know, you could have sent me an sms. or something more personal. ah fuck this.

yesterday my filly was as nice as ever<3 stupid micro had kicked her, there was a little wound and some warmth on her leg. so hose, our best friend, comes along and gives us cold water. today it's the shoeing day, dears get new boots on. also means a day off. i think i'll still go to evening. that bitch is going to be there too. i hope she'd keel over and... mwaahahahah.

damn i think i need to get extensions. to my (non-existant) sideburns at least and maybe something else. just wouldn't really like to use the old ones since it means me playing with that awful glue again xDD last time my fingers died. really.

i also need to dye my hair again soon... oh le sigh.

i see the traps that stand in my way, i'll use my head to make it through

i'm so on fire abt the thought of getting to train mma style ! this place, GB Gym has it ALL ! getting to train there will require me moving to helsinki and getting a decent paying job. which can all be arranged quite easily actually. goddamnit i'm fucking buuuurning~~~~ thought at first i'm gonna start maybe kickboxing or muay thai, and keep watching how they train the vapaaottelu. get in shape and all first xD but LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEE<33333

this needs a pic !
here u goo !


me wants ! most likely i will have to get the possible hipsurgery done first, but... blah !

off to stables now, i'm out !

i thought i knew what love was, what did i know

i had thoughts i wanted to write. and damned they are now gone. sigh.

kotka peeps, wanna hang out some pretty (or not so) day/moment/whateverthefuck ?

the breaking of the fellowship is coming closer each day

ropecon was lol. i lol'd a lot. and dissaus is life.

i sort of feel... useless. like i'm not needed. not worthy. jealous, too, in a way. is it really so that it's more fun/important/whatever to keep in touch with other people and not me. i'm fighting not to let this feeling take over.

today i shall go back to kotka.

today it's definitely a BAD hair day. this one stupid wisp of a wannabe curl on the left side of my forehead just won't settle and DAMN it's ugly and i hate it yugh.

lol negays, we're off now. to ask a job for nora, check out this yoyogi park thing and then... ROPECON >8))

we walk amongst you, feeding, raping

uh STILL @ goa. i was thinking abt leaving today but WHUT it seems i'm not going anywhere yet. fucking too lazy to move it seems. aiski-shi's friend comes by six pmish to drop some stuff of hers. after that me and nora are supposedly leaving to see if there's anything interesting going on at ropecon xD first time to see that, for me. waiting anxiously.
need to contact tiina soon too. need to go and pick up my girl's keys from their ap. yeah. gonna be here when she returns. definitely<3
today we've been lusting for some good larp. vampires, preferably atm. love love love.

ugh should make myself look like a human. walking out of the door would be more nice like that, maybe.

i remember all of your dreams

still @ goa. sorta missed my workinterview to kotka's mcdonald's. i'm not sure i care.
days have been... well, what the days often here are :D tomorrow i'm probably going back to kotka, or friday morning maybe. missing my fillyjay terribly.
now me & norbax are gonna take off and head to town centre and buy some artstuff she's dying to get.

np. RUN - SHINHWAAAAAAAAAAA ;;_________;;<333333333

so in the end i'll be what i will be

i weight now more than i have in oh dunno, the past fucking half a year ?! how fucking disgusting. thank god i know a few pounds of that are just the mere amount of pizza i ate. we made 2 of them and my god they were full of grease xD 1 kg of creamcheese we used and fillings, oh so much of them. good good it was, yes, but oh so fatty. nasty fat fat fat. we hates it, oh how we hates it, precioussss, yes we does *gollum voice*

heard some from my dear. what a time to be texting with someone, 4 am here and 10 am there. weird. and how weird it is that i seem to need her more and more, and i miss her even more now that she is so far away. miles miles miles, how much they put weight on things.

later today i really need to go for a run. hopefully aiski-shi's running shoes could be borrowed and would fit me.

oh and we watched x-men 3. gahaha it was nice.

gonna go to sleep now. put alarm to 9 am, maybe i can actually open my eyes and maybe catch her when she comes online...

you are lost, you can never go home

for fucks sake why the hell can't i get to livejournal !!!!! stoopid thing just redirects me to some http://www.quantcast.com/ page P___P cruel.
but this being the case i think i have to write here then... hmmm. how do i feel now ? surprisingly serene. it's kinda weird to be hanging here alone (well not really, since T-chan is in the other room). and at the same it's not weird. feels similar to be hanging in my own ap. maybe because i spend almost as much time there and here, and always with her... and then a day after she leaves i just sit in front of the comp alone. weird.
i just hope our homeland ruksu doesn't mind me being here too much. she woke me up today, visiting the fridge and informing that folks are coming over this afternoon and she's going to make some noise aka use the vacuumcleaner. so i gets up. and comes here. i think i should maybe head out soon ? to be outta the way, you know. gagagaga.
hmmgh. yesterday, after seeing my precioussss to the bus taking them to the airport, i hanged around the town for a while. visited some sales, found nothing except these pants *-* the comfiest pants EVER. and they're "only" 30 e... should i buy them or not ? i could use that money on something else. and i'd probably need it for something else. ah shit. i hardly ever use any other type pants than jeans (to public places that is) so these would be a welcome change, Y/N ? decisions decisions.

today it's not as hot as it was yesterday. so probably no going to beach/tanning. that elvenmountain is still calling meeee.... and i should get together with aiski, to plan our trip to come later this month i think. maybe i should SMS her.

sweet tapdancing jesus, it surely shows on my face and body that i ate a bag of tortillachips yesterday :D ONLY 490 kcal per 100 grams and the pack was 400 grams. LARD. i'd so need a run. but. don't have my runningstuff. girl said i could use her stuff, but i'm not sure where i could find that said stuff, and can't be bothered to dig around her closets. oh le sigh. the problems of being lazy.
but atleast my hair is not so kulahtanut anymore. mah girl dyed it yesterday, i'm back in black, bitches ! over a year it has been, yes it has, preciousss~~

oh well i shall get dressed and try to get a hold on someone. to hang with.

//EDIT: so i need to leaveee~~ the coming peeps are gonna stay the night and use mah girls bed. hopefully they are authorised xD T-chan just left to get them from maybe railwaystation dunno, so i have a while to get my shit together and be gone ! YO DUDES CAN I COME TO GOA ??? if not then i think i'm gonna have to leave herushinki for now... but yap damn answer ur sms's and nora please come back from that busy statuuuus~~

leave taking

according to what my friends vote on face book i suck at dancing. tear.
ugh, my right ankle, left knee and right wrist are all swollen. the feet parts because we (me, mah girl, saana-chan, aiski-shi & nora) did this really random trip yestreday: we went to vuosaari and headed for this hill called mustavuori ! fucking epic trip. as usual, we just couldn't use the roads, no. we went through forests, fields, old vittujäteasema, more bushes... but we made it the mount doom alive :D isengard was there to tell us our location all the time x) back "home" we made it something after 12:30 am...
this morning has been slow. i dyed anni's hair, she's now in the shower washing it off. so we just wait to see how it turned out. agh. in a way i feel kinda.. empty. thinking about seeing her go in just a few hours... and i don't know how far i will be allowed to come to see her off. maybe she wants to go to the airport alone ? ok not alone but yeah. shit.
oh le sigh.

oh looky, just like us yesterday ! just not sure who's the pony...

oh le sigh.