Apr 24, 2009
Apr 23, 2009
die with your boots on
i had tons of fun yesterday. i got up before 8am, ate breakfast, had my coffee (tried to wake up) and then jogged to meet with nora at myrtsi. it took us ages to find the swimming hall, but we got there in the end. it was wonderful to be in water again. i have strong muscles, but damn, they're definitely not built for swimming. need to start going swimming at least once a week. even thought it seems that the swimming did a little downfall for my lungs, i.e. my coughing is worse again... shit. but still !
today i have a short shift at work, just 4,25 hrs. tomorrow 8 hrs and saturday 9. and saturday i'm jumping in a bus to kotka. can't wait to get to see fillyjay and all the animals again <3 and i hope that this time i'll be able to meet people longer than just an hour before i leave back...
that just means there's tons to do before i leave. clean the ratties' cage etc.
sometimes i just wish so much that i could turn back time. not really, but still.
today i have a short shift at work, just 4,25 hrs. tomorrow 8 hrs and saturday 9. and saturday i'm jumping in a bus to kotka. can't wait to get to see fillyjay and all the animals again <3 and i hope that this time i'll be able to meet people longer than just an hour before i leave back...
that just means there's tons to do before i leave. clean the ratties' cage etc.
sometimes i just wish so much that i could turn back time. not really, but still.
Apr 20, 2009
this is my one and only voice, so listen close
the weather outside is deadly beautiful and i need to go work. yay. need to write down abt my saturday more when i get home again. that day was just HORRIBLE at work. yah.
Apr 16, 2009
we're gonna make such fools of ourselves
how can i decide what's right?
when you're clouding up my mind
can't win your losing fight all the time
not gonna ever own what's mine
when you're always taking sides
you wont take away my pride
no not this time
not this time
how did we get here?
i use to know you so well
how did we get here?
well, i think i know
the truth is hiding in your eyes
and its hanging on your tongue
just boiling in my blood,
but you think that i can't see
what kind of man that you are
if you're a man at all
well, i will figure this one out on my own
(i'm screaming "i love you so..." but my thoughts you can't decode)
how did we get here?
i use to know you so well
how did we get here?
well, i think i know
do you see what we've done?
we're gonna make such fools of ourselves
do you see what we've done?
we're gonna make such fools of ourselves
how did we get here?
i use to know you so well
how did we get here?
well, i use to know you so well
i think i know
i think i know
there is something that i see in you
it might kill me i want it to be true
the weather outside is so fucking beautiful. and soon i need to dive in the batcave.
i miss last summer. and the summer before that. i miss the times when it was easy and simple. just me and couple of friends, drinking and smoking, hanging out, enjoying our selves. and then again i don't want anything from the times that are already gone. i want to look up and smile, go forward feeling no regrets and live.
i'm waiting for the summer to come. hope it brings great times.
i have had this sort of vision of the future in a dream, several times. i don't know if it means anything, but it feels right. i just hope that sometimes dreams would just fucking come true. too bad they usually don't.
when you're clouding up my mind
can't win your losing fight all the time
not gonna ever own what's mine
when you're always taking sides
you wont take away my pride
no not this time
not this time
how did we get here?
i use to know you so well
how did we get here?
well, i think i know
the truth is hiding in your eyes
and its hanging on your tongue
just boiling in my blood,
but you think that i can't see
what kind of man that you are
if you're a man at all
well, i will figure this one out on my own
(i'm screaming "i love you so..." but my thoughts you can't decode)
how did we get here?
i use to know you so well
how did we get here?
well, i think i know
do you see what we've done?
we're gonna make such fools of ourselves
do you see what we've done?
we're gonna make such fools of ourselves
how did we get here?
i use to know you so well
how did we get here?
well, i use to know you so well
i think i know
i think i know
there is something that i see in you
it might kill me i want it to be true
the weather outside is so fucking beautiful. and soon i need to dive in the batcave.
i miss last summer. and the summer before that. i miss the times when it was easy and simple. just me and couple of friends, drinking and smoking, hanging out, enjoying our selves. and then again i don't want anything from the times that are already gone. i want to look up and smile, go forward feeling no regrets and live.
i'm waiting for the summer to come. hope it brings great times.
i have had this sort of vision of the future in a dream, several times. i don't know if it means anything, but it feels right. i just hope that sometimes dreams would just fucking come true. too bad they usually don't.
Apr 12, 2009
pull the trigger if you gonna, we all know that you wanna
WHY oh WHY must i have super cute guy as my work mate ? and WHY oh WHY must i have this ohsofucking gorgeous guy working as a security guard at the same place ? come on, my genes are killing me here. this could also be understood as me having a droolfest at work. that was yesterday.
yesterday i felt like doing something, going somewhere so bad. hanged with n at our place for some hours, but in the end i started to feel choked, i needed to be alone for a while. it didn't really help too much, but it was something i needed. i spent few hours watching stuff from rock 'n roll hall of fame ceremony. fucking damn, jason newsted still looks like a million bucks. and speeches all the met guys held there were so nice (except rob, i didn't watch that part because well, i don't care) and touching... booh. booh. i wanna go to san fran..........
today i have been just lagging around and talking to some nerd in msn. he found me in myspace and ugh. i tell ya, he ain't hot. not by a long shot. but he's amusing to talk to.
now nora came and we're off to jump in the woods ! been dying to do that for ages. the weather ain't the beset possible, but who cares !
yesterday i felt like doing something, going somewhere so bad. hanged with n at our place for some hours, but in the end i started to feel choked, i needed to be alone for a while. it didn't really help too much, but it was something i needed. i spent few hours watching stuff from rock 'n roll hall of fame ceremony. fucking damn, jason newsted still looks like a million bucks. and speeches all the met guys held there were so nice (except rob, i didn't watch that part because well, i don't care) and touching... booh. booh. i wanna go to san fran..........
today i have been just lagging around and talking to some nerd in msn. he found me in myspace and ugh. i tell ya, he ain't hot. not by a long shot. but he's amusing to talk to.
now nora came and we're off to jump in the woods ! been dying to do that for ages. the weather ain't the beset possible, but who cares !
Apr 11, 2009
i'm the 45 that's in your mouth, i'm a dirty, dirty whore
oh boy what wonderful hmm 4 days i've had. last wednesday i went straight from stables to nora's place and after that i've been with her almost nonstop, excluding abt 7 hrs on thursday when i had work. after work i just quickly visited home, cleaned the ratties, took a shower and was off again. damn, i haven't been so drunk in fucking ages. literally shitfaced. and that was fucking great. yesterday was a hangover day, not surprising really. still was a great day, we just lagged and ate like pigs. that (eating like pigs) was something we also started on wednesday. fattyfattylardyfood. fucking good, and needed, because that's something we're not gonna be able to do in a very very fucking long time. drinking's also that kind of thing. i think i'm gonna cut way back on my drinking from now on. and really consider atleast smoking less. trying to be a little healthier.
the weather outside is deadly beautiful and i so fucking dun want to go to the batcave (as me & big D started calling our work place some unholy saturday or something...). days like this should be spent outdoors. enjoying the sun and the summery feel in the air. i hope tomorrow brings another beautiful day.
now down some coffee, and off i go.
the weather outside is deadly beautiful and i so fucking dun want to go to the batcave (as me & big D started calling our work place some unholy saturday or something...). days like this should be spent outdoors. enjoying the sun and the summery feel in the air. i hope tomorrow brings another beautiful day.
now down some coffee, and off i go.
Apr 8, 2009
there's a dirty needle in your child, haha, stick me
hi just popping by to say that SUMMER COME FUCKING FASTER. i'm on a huge gig mood (shinedown, plz come back guys) and fucking can't wait to see met ! there's girugamesh gig abt a month from now, but i don't think that 'll help me with my gig fever, because well i'm a bit over j-bands. and the fans, oh the fucking disgusting fans. i'll just have to get drunk for that gig. but ! anygays. summer. drinking. warm. sun. outdoors. friends. getting drunk. gigs.
and i wanna go to the u.s. bay area, it's fucking calling me so bad. neone wanna biff me few 1000 euros.
and i wanna go to the u.s. bay area, it's fucking calling me so bad. neone wanna biff me few 1000 euros.
Apr 4, 2009
i'm for law 'n order, the way that it should be
suddenly i feel like the bad person. ok, there's a point, but fuck.
everything i say and/or do seems eventually be taken as something else. fuck, really.
and i'm just trying to lay it low for now.
i fucking wanna ditch this country for a while. i really do.
everything i say and/or do seems eventually be taken as something else. fuck, really.
and i'm just trying to lay it low for now.
i fucking wanna ditch this country for a while. i really do.
Mar 24, 2009
time your riddles right and make a point that has no sense
once again, like so many times in the past, i had something i really wanted to write down here, but it escapes my mind now. i should probably be sleeping already. but i don't quite feel like doing so.
ps. why must all the people i know be somehow connected to eachother. fucking inbred society.
ps. why must all the people i know be somehow connected to eachother. fucking inbred society.
Mar 19, 2009
what started out to be a joke, the law don't understand
my right wrist has been killing me this week. you know, hurting like hell.
today i'm headed back home again. it's been nice being here. i miss these places so much sometimes. i don't know, i just feel i will be returning here at some point. that maybe in two years, or a decade. i don't know. but i do know that i've missed the stables, people, animals, the familiar forest trails with my dear. those are something i can't quite find anywhere else. i'm not making much sense right now, but yeah.
now i need my dosage of caffeine in the form of euroshopper energydrink. then, off i go.
today i'm headed back home again. it's been nice being here. i miss these places so much sometimes. i don't know, i just feel i will be returning here at some point. that maybe in two years, or a decade. i don't know. but i do know that i've missed the stables, people, animals, the familiar forest trails with my dear. those are something i can't quite find anywhere else. i'm not making much sense right now, but yeah.
now i need my dosage of caffeine in the form of euroshopper energydrink. then, off i go.
Mar 14, 2009
bang on the snaredrum. nobody laughs.
i'm so in love with rorschach. seriously. killer. wtf.
and my skin is so dry it feels like it's cracking up.
i'm going to kotka on monday. go my workshift changed to morning one, so i can start my "journey" already after 3pm. which is nothing but good.
why the fuck am i even still awake.
i should be sleeping.
i have work at 11am TODAY.
and i'm drunk.
i'm gonna die.
no really.
i really should go to sleep.
and my skin is so dry it feels like it's cracking up.
i'm going to kotka on monday. go my workshift changed to morning one, so i can start my "journey" already after 3pm. which is nothing but good.
why the fuck am i even still awake.
i should be sleeping.
i have work at 11am TODAY.
and i'm drunk.
i'm gonna die.
no really.
i really should go to sleep.
Mar 10, 2009
Mar 3, 2009
and by the way, i made it through the day
hmmm. been absent here for a while... what's happened ? alot ! and not. but i'm feeling the spring in my bones ! you know, like even in all the shit my mind tries to make up, i still find reasons to be glad i woke up. i guess i have found this sort zen'ish state of mind xD
i've had some terrible days at work (hectic, hard, you name it)... but also wonderful times with dear peeps and some who are becoming dears. it's done some good to me, hanging out with people more often (okay, once a week or so but still!) than once a month or something. there is this social part of me who enjoys times like these so much.
i've also gotten back on track with horses. been riding with takku a few times (again on wednesday<3) and now i got myself a new horse to ride with. i was asked by the owner of the stable to ride with her horse sometimes. and i ofcourse said yes. the first time with that mare, tella is her name, will be tomorrow (... today....) morning. we'll see how that goes.
dear peeps are getting older soon and there's a party coming ! so much planning still ahead and all, not to even mention i have no idea what i'm going to wear there. but it's still good 3 months away, so no immediate need for panic. and i have helping hands and minds, so i won't die.
tomorrow (TODAY) it's korean food with nora<3 if i don't get called to work. i could use the hours, but this time i'd rather not go... we'll see, boss hasn't contacted me yet.
i should already be sleeping. i have to get up at 7 am...... stupid me.
would've wanted to write a long entry with more deep thoughts but i'm too lazy to think deep now.
i've had some terrible days at work (hectic, hard, you name it)... but also wonderful times with dear peeps and some who are becoming dears. it's done some good to me, hanging out with people more often (okay, once a week or so but still!) than once a month or something. there is this social part of me who enjoys times like these so much.
i've also gotten back on track with horses. been riding with takku a few times (again on wednesday<3) and now i got myself a new horse to ride with. i was asked by the owner of the stable to ride with her horse sometimes. and i ofcourse said yes. the first time with that mare, tella is her name, will be tomorrow (... today....) morning. we'll see how that goes.
dear peeps are getting older soon and there's a party coming ! so much planning still ahead and all, not to even mention i have no idea what i'm going to wear there. but it's still good 3 months away, so no immediate need for panic. and i have helping hands and minds, so i won't die.
tomorrow (TODAY) it's korean food with nora<3 if i don't get called to work. i could use the hours, but this time i'd rather not go... we'll see, boss hasn't contacted me yet.
i should already be sleeping. i have to get up at 7 am...... stupid me.
would've wanted to write a long entry with more deep thoughts but i'm too lazy to think deep now.
Feb 19, 2009
you're feeding your ego with what you can see outside
OLIPA VITTU PÄIVÄ =)))
just had to get that out. 9 hrs and fuck i'm so dead. why the fuck thursdays must be the beginning of weekend hectics ? gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. and i fucking was right to think that atleast one machine will blow up while i'm alone there ! FUCKING RIGHT. today's food saldo is two portions of cheesemacaronistuff, 2 cheeseburgers, apple... bah and it wasn't too much at all. to make this work thing even more cheery... one of my co-workers called in sick, so me and pellikka are pulling a heavy friday night tomorrow, and my saturday's shift got 3 hrs longer. lovely.
but. tomorrow i have a early rise. we're off to fleamarket hopping with nora. can't wait ^^ just hope the weather is decent. like sunshine, maybe ? and on saturday, after i've died a thousand deaths at work (not) we're off to this 80s party. my brains are overflowing already with thoughts and ideas abt what i'm gonna wear, how i'm gonna do my hair and maybe makeup. too bad that i dyed my hair already, the peroxide blonde would've been ideal. but i'll live. because it's FUCKING 80S PARTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH ! i've been drooling over one for over 2 years now, and that's fucking too long. because 80s is love.
also. it appears i can't afford to go to kotka at all this month. it's gonna have to wait 'till next payday. this kinda sucks, because i miss filly and the kitties and sloughi. but well. i'll live :D i'll just work hard and go riding with takku. heehehee that's another thing i can hardly wait ! i'm going to hop on that horse's back on sunday *__* and after that i'm probably gonna go and have a ride with her every wednesday and friday. bhihbibhibhi forestridinggg<3 wants !
now. i should hop hop and go to lilluskel to the tub and soak myself clean. would sooth my sore muscles maybe.
just had to get that out. 9 hrs and fuck i'm so dead. why the fuck thursdays must be the beginning of weekend hectics ? gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. and i fucking was right to think that atleast one machine will blow up while i'm alone there ! FUCKING RIGHT. today's food saldo is two portions of cheesemacaronistuff, 2 cheeseburgers, apple... bah and it wasn't too much at all. to make this work thing even more cheery... one of my co-workers called in sick, so me and pellikka are pulling a heavy friday night tomorrow, and my saturday's shift got 3 hrs longer. lovely.
but. tomorrow i have a early rise. we're off to fleamarket hopping with nora. can't wait ^^ just hope the weather is decent. like sunshine, maybe ? and on saturday, after i've died a thousand deaths at work (not) we're off to this 80s party. my brains are overflowing already with thoughts and ideas abt what i'm gonna wear, how i'm gonna do my hair and maybe makeup. too bad that i dyed my hair already, the peroxide blonde would've been ideal. but i'll live. because it's FUCKING 80S PARTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH ! i've been drooling over one for over 2 years now, and that's fucking too long. because 80s is love.
also. it appears i can't afford to go to kotka at all this month. it's gonna have to wait 'till next payday. this kinda sucks, because i miss filly and the kitties and sloughi. but well. i'll live :D i'll just work hard and go riding with takku. heehehee that's another thing i can hardly wait ! i'm going to hop on that horse's back on sunday *__* and after that i'm probably gonna go and have a ride with her every wednesday and friday. bhihbibhibhi forestridinggg<3 wants !
now. i should hop hop and go to lilluskel to the tub and soak myself clean. would sooth my sore muscles maybe.
cause i found a way to steal the sun from the sky
the day before yesterday was random. i had a day off, but instead of lagging around, well i headed to paplari to meet mims. the idea was just to lagg with her and maybe think about doing something to my hair. and what happened? my hair is now some really random color. it seems different in every type of light and i'm not sure yet what i think of it :D okay, i like it. i needed the change. having the same blonde hair for what, 4 months ? that's so not my cup of tea.
ah fuck time flies. i'm having my first ever day shift alone at work. 3 hrs to survive alone. booh. i'm so fucking sure that the machines decide to explode or something just as stupid. i'm fucking sure. damn i need to crab something to eat and start running. hopefully i'll live through these hours.
ah fuck time flies. i'm having my first ever day shift alone at work. 3 hrs to survive alone. booh. i'm so fucking sure that the machines decide to explode or something just as stupid. i'm fucking sure. damn i need to crab something to eat and start running. hopefully i'll live through these hours.
Feb 13, 2009
let me introduce you to the characters in the show
yesterday was a movie day. aka went to see that damn twilight finally with my girl. i'm actually surprised, it didn't suck so much at all. but i still don't understand why the fuck people are so hyped about it. edward cullen seemed so retarded with all that "ohimsomysteriousandevilvampire" eyebrow crunching he did and jazz. and no, he ain't hot. there's just nothing vampire-like about that guy. the evil james was sooooo much hotter *drools* too bad the bad guys always die. in the cullen family well, carlisle was the most vampireish. he was hot too. bella was annoying. yeah. but still, i could watch that movie again. i did get some bad looks in there when i lolled at edward :D i guess i still really laugh out so loud.
the other movie we saw was milk. a true story about harvey milk, this gay guy who decided to fight for the rights of gay people, back in 70s, and was shot in the end... i really recommend that. i have always known that straight-as-an-arrow people can be terrible but it really surprised me how awful some of the people were in that story. i wonder if that bitch anita still lives, or has someone blown her brains out already. she totally would deserve that. she's fucking sick. fucking disgusting.
but watching milk made me miss pride week, and drool even more over the thought of going to san fransisco. just think about it, spending the pride week there. how fucking awesome would that be. wish i had some magical bank accounts holding tons of money. i'd buy the flight tickets immediately. i fucking wanna go.
other than the movies. i bought a new scarf from carlings. had been in need for that for ages. and helsinki still is butt ugly. and the air there is just so.. icky. felt wonderful to get back to vantaa and really breath. amazing what a few miles can do.
AND ! a new little rattie is coming home in a week or so ! or actually maybe in 2 weeks since i won't be in town when the baby will be "up for crabs" so to say. but stiiiiil *__*
and.. bloogh. i don't know. i lost my train of thought. blaa.
the other movie we saw was milk. a true story about harvey milk, this gay guy who decided to fight for the rights of gay people, back in 70s, and was shot in the end... i really recommend that. i have always known that straight-as-an-arrow people can be terrible but it really surprised me how awful some of the people were in that story. i wonder if that bitch anita still lives, or has someone blown her brains out already. she totally would deserve that. she's fucking sick. fucking disgusting.
but watching milk made me miss pride week, and drool even more over the thought of going to san fransisco. just think about it, spending the pride week there. how fucking awesome would that be. wish i had some magical bank accounts holding tons of money. i'd buy the flight tickets immediately. i fucking wanna go.
other than the movies. i bought a new scarf from carlings. had been in need for that for ages. and helsinki still is butt ugly. and the air there is just so.. icky. felt wonderful to get back to vantaa and really breath. amazing what a few miles can do.
AND ! a new little rattie is coming home in a week or so ! or actually maybe in 2 weeks since i won't be in town when the baby will be "up for crabs" so to say. but stiiiiil *__*
and.. bloogh. i don't know. i lost my train of thought. blaa.
Feb 10, 2009
yeah, i get it, you're an outcast
over a week has passed since shinedown ! and i haven't written anything. damn.
negays. the gig. even thought i've read tons of people saying that it sucked, that they couldn't hear brent's singing, the crowd was dead (it was... mostly), well screw them ! i fucking loved that gig, and i'd go there ten times again ! i don't understand why people complain they didn't hear the singing. i heard brent loud and clear thorough the show, except for few moment when the crowd around me got too loud (not too loud in a bad way, no no). sure i admit the crowd was really stoic if comparing to most of the gigs i've been to but when you got closer to the stage, that's where the people where more alive. i moshed, jumped, sang, shouted and fucking was having so much fun there. i don't understand why peeps whine so much. shinedown fucking rocked ! i totally fell in love with that band and i can't wait to see them again (i read somewhere they might be coming back in the summer, for some festival, and if not, then in the autumn<3). come back soon guys...
and now i'm royally sick again. still. yeah, still is the right word. i have been sick since december, for fucks sake. this sucks major ass. and i'm deadly afraid i'll get fired because i'm sick so often... well really, if i do get fired, well then that's that. something will always come up.
oh and fucking yay. i just might be getting to see metallica this summer ! sonisphere is this new hard rock festival thingy that tours atleast europe and miiitallicaaa is headlining that thing *__*<3 and they have a show scheduled to 25th of july, in pori. tickets come on sale on monday next week. they cost a ton but i fucking have to have that. i fucking want to see metallica. like, really.
ah fuck. i really need to go to sleep. i haven't slept a single full night since wednesday last week... just a few crappy hours here and there. sucks.
negays. the gig. even thought i've read tons of people saying that it sucked, that they couldn't hear brent's singing, the crowd was dead (it was... mostly), well screw them ! i fucking loved that gig, and i'd go there ten times again ! i don't understand why people complain they didn't hear the singing. i heard brent loud and clear thorough the show, except for few moment when the crowd around me got too loud (not too loud in a bad way, no no). sure i admit the crowd was really stoic if comparing to most of the gigs i've been to but when you got closer to the stage, that's where the people where more alive. i moshed, jumped, sang, shouted and fucking was having so much fun there. i don't understand why peeps whine so much. shinedown fucking rocked ! i totally fell in love with that band and i can't wait to see them again (i read somewhere they might be coming back in the summer, for some festival, and if not, then in the autumn<3). come back soon guys...
and now i'm royally sick again. still. yeah, still is the right word. i have been sick since december, for fucks sake. this sucks major ass. and i'm deadly afraid i'll get fired because i'm sick so often... well really, if i do get fired, well then that's that. something will always come up.
oh and fucking yay. i just might be getting to see metallica this summer ! sonisphere is this new hard rock festival thingy that tours atleast europe and miiitallicaaa is headlining that thing *__*<3 and they have a show scheduled to 25th of july, in pori. tickets come on sale on monday next week. they cost a ton but i fucking have to have that. i fucking want to see metallica. like, really.
ah fuck. i really need to go to sleep. i haven't slept a single full night since wednesday last week... just a few crappy hours here and there. sucks.
Jan 31, 2009
don't you think this outlaw bit's done got out of hand
after some "intense" googling i find myself staring at the picture of my future carehorse to be (if everything goes alright). HELP ME SHE'S 176 FUCKING CM HIGH !! XDD she's fucking huge... i'm so used to thinking that maikki from our stable is huge and she's abt 165 cm... woah. good thing i'm not allowed to ride immediately, i'd need fucking ladders to get up there ! woah. but the horse's name is taktika, she's a pretty chesnut blazehead with perfect long legs for cross country. the pic only tells half of the truth so i will see how she really is on tuesday ^^ can't wait ! but man... she's so big....... i think i really like smaller horses better than those elephant halves they breed these days xD but we'll see how we get along (me and the owner (found her on facebook......................................... u__u) and the mare ofcourse). on tuesday. yeah. shit i'm starting to get nervous here ! fock.
fucking burger king
aah. i survived the cruise, alive and well ! didn't get seasick, didn't get drunk, my cabinmates didn't get TOO drunk... and sweden was nice. i mean like the old town. gallerian and the other stuff weren't so inspiring for me (there were shops i would have liked to buy few things from but...). the walkstreet thingy had it's pretty parts (some random little shops in pretty buildings) but all in all i enjoyed the old town much more. which is not at all surprising. i love even the old parts of porvoo, so it's obvious that i will love every old town parts i go to. the conclusion being this: cruises aren't really my cup of tea. i really liked being on that ship, hanging on the deck and wathing the dark ocean<3 but the time spent on foreign land is too short. i.e. cruises aren't for me :D at least not in the way most people seem to like them (get shitfaced, be hangover while going to the other land... etc). i'd like to go and spend atleast a few whole days on ground of for example sweden. the cruiseship is a nice way to get across the sea here, that i don't mind. six hours just isn't enough for me. all in all i liked the cruise (i think i should write down more about it, but i'm too tired now) and this helped me realize that no, i will not go on the cruise our company is arranging. it would be free and headed to tallinna, but i really don't want to go and spend 24 hrs with drunk people. it would be alright if i would have a private cabin or something so i would get to actually sleep, instead of trying to, while drunken workmates keep me awake. i will go on a cruise again, but it will be different then :D
baah maybe i'll write more when i've slept some. yeah.
baah maybe i'll write more when i've slept some. yeah.
Jan 27, 2009
but me, i like sleeping
"it feels so nice to have your girl's warm back against your hurting one" that's something i thought last night when i was really in pain and trying to fall a asleep. she was so warm and nice<3
but still i'm so tired it's not even possible with 10 hrs of sleep. i blame this cough. gotta wake up now, damnit ! i need to be out of the door something 2 pmish. must get to mims's 3pmish. and then we're off to the harborrrr. i wish i had a million to spend, so this cruise wouldn't feel so difficult in a way. i.e. i have to really watch what i buy and eat. damn, i don't even have any kruunor yet. do i need those ? i don't know. on my bank's webpages it says that i can use this card abroad too. it just costs more. so i might not need the kroonorna at all. i don't know yet, must consult mims & juube when i get there. but hey ! i'm finally crossing finland's borders, damnit ! fucking 22 years it took. heheheh.
and damn i had almost forgotten the gig on sunday: shinedown. it was something that was decided really randomly, like: "let's go see shinedown, they have this one good song and that's the only one i've heard. here, listen" "hey, that's really good. yeah, let's go see them!" so nora bought the tickets and we're going. whoops. i still haven't heard more music from them than this one album, but it's good, so the gig must be good too :D the talk abt shinedown says that they're a great live band, so i'm counting on that. too bad that the volbeat gigs are sold out (i think?), they would've been another band i'd be interested in seeing live.
fuck i should jump up offa mah fat ass and pack. clock's ticking illegally fast again today. my bag's going to be so full of meds and stuff like that....
but still i'm so tired it's not even possible with 10 hrs of sleep. i blame this cough. gotta wake up now, damnit ! i need to be out of the door something 2 pmish. must get to mims's 3pmish. and then we're off to the harborrrr. i wish i had a million to spend, so this cruise wouldn't feel so difficult in a way. i.e. i have to really watch what i buy and eat. damn, i don't even have any kruunor yet. do i need those ? i don't know. on my bank's webpages it says that i can use this card abroad too. it just costs more. so i might not need the kroonorna at all. i don't know yet, must consult mims & juube when i get there. but hey ! i'm finally crossing finland's borders, damnit ! fucking 22 years it took. heheheh.
and damn i had almost forgotten the gig on sunday: shinedown. it was something that was decided really randomly, like: "let's go see shinedown, they have this one good song and that's the only one i've heard. here, listen" "hey, that's really good. yeah, let's go see them!" so nora bought the tickets and we're going. whoops. i still haven't heard more music from them than this one album, but it's good, so the gig must be good too :D the talk abt shinedown says that they're a great live band, so i'm counting on that. too bad that the volbeat gigs are sold out (i think?), they would've been another band i'd be interested in seeing live.
fuck i should jump up offa mah fat ass and pack. clock's ticking illegally fast again today. my bag's going to be so full of meds and stuff like that....
Jan 26, 2009
i'm a leading man, and the lies i weave are oh so intricate
2:20 pm doctor's appointment. before that (preferably) a visit to dear finnish bureaucracy offices. i don't have a fucking glue how i'll survive the next month. somehow i will, thought, i always do.
i didn't mention it here yet, but i got a new carehorse. i haven't seen the mare yet, nor her owner, but i talked with her (the owner) on the phone (she called me on friday morning) and she sounded surprisingly nice. considering the fact that this indeed the capital city area and the riders and horse owners here are mostly creamassed fancy bitches. and she made it sound like she's already decided that i will be her new horse trustee. i don't mind. the horse in question is a 5 years old mare, training in crosscountry, and her owner told she is a real mare, aka a true woman ;D sounds just like the horses i usually best get along with. so this should be interesting. the horse is moving to a new stable, 8 km or something from here, on january 31st, and i'm going to go and meet her on feb 2nd. i can't wait ! it's super nice to finally find a horsey around here too, because i always miss my dearest filly so much, and being around horses in general. and stable this mare will be living at is not even some capital city area creamass huge fancy sticks-in-our-asses-stable. it's a small one, just 6 places or so. and it's on the better side of ring III <333 forests, fields<33 i'm gonna be in heaven. no, i'm not allowed to ride with the mare, atleast not yet. maybe in the future the owner will let me take her beauty for little forest walks or something *_* the owner also told that her friend has a horse at that stable too, so if i'd be interested in having a second care horse, that's mighty happening. well we shall see how this goes.
boy that was some fucking messy writing... feel free to ask if i was totally unclear and/or making no sense at all.
i should fucking jump to the shower already and start walking. i feel sort of stupid going to the doctor now that i'm already feeling better (i think the puventol, which is this astmamedicine, my mom gave me helped to get my breathing not so blocked and the yesterdays high fever might have worked again to burn away the disease), but i really need to get some sick leave from work, since i'm definitely not in shape to push myself physically. see, i'm trying to be smart and wise about this, for once !
tomorrow would be the cruise to stockholm. i need to sms mims about it, i don't know if it would be fair for her and juube if go along and either cough my lungs out the whole nights and they get no sleep, or even worse, i give them this disease too. now that wouldn't be too nice, would it ? and i don't even know how stupid it would be healthwise to go on a cruise now xD heck, it might go so that i'll end up getting hugely seasick and vomiting my insides out the whole trip. i really have no idea what my body will say, since i've never been on cruise before. that's one more reason i'd really like to go. if i still feel as mellow as i do now in the evening then i probably will go. it's not like i will excersize my ass off there, no sir. my first thought was that damn, i wish the sky would be clear and moon would be up and the sea would be calm so i could spend time on the deck and smoke and listen to some music and marvel the beauty of it all. some might call that lame. most people seem to go on cruises just to get shitfaced. i mean come on, you can very well do that on land. and it's cheaper that way too. but hey, whatever floats their boats. no pun there.
okay this entry just got a bit out of hand (lenghtwise). i wonder if anyone will read the whole scrapledoo. ah fuck time flies. too fast. and my head hurts. sigh.
i didn't mention it here yet, but i got a new carehorse. i haven't seen the mare yet, nor her owner, but i talked with her (the owner) on the phone (she called me on friday morning) and she sounded surprisingly nice. considering the fact that this indeed the capital city area and the riders and horse owners here are mostly creamassed fancy bitches. and she made it sound like she's already decided that i will be her new horse trustee. i don't mind. the horse in question is a 5 years old mare, training in crosscountry, and her owner told she is a real mare, aka a true woman ;D sounds just like the horses i usually best get along with. so this should be interesting. the horse is moving to a new stable, 8 km or something from here, on january 31st, and i'm going to go and meet her on feb 2nd. i can't wait ! it's super nice to finally find a horsey around here too, because i always miss my dearest filly so much, and being around horses in general. and stable this mare will be living at is not even some capital city area creamass huge fancy sticks-in-our-asses-stable. it's a small one, just 6 places or so. and it's on the better side of ring III <333 forests, fields<33 i'm gonna be in heaven. no, i'm not allowed to ride with the mare, atleast not yet. maybe in the future the owner will let me take her beauty for little forest walks or something *_* the owner also told that her friend has a horse at that stable too, so if i'd be interested in having a second care horse, that's mighty happening. well we shall see how this goes.
boy that was some fucking messy writing... feel free to ask if i was totally unclear and/or making no sense at all.
i should fucking jump to the shower already and start walking. i feel sort of stupid going to the doctor now that i'm already feeling better (i think the puventol, which is this astmamedicine, my mom gave me helped to get my breathing not so blocked and the yesterdays high fever might have worked again to burn away the disease), but i really need to get some sick leave from work, since i'm definitely not in shape to push myself physically. see, i'm trying to be smart and wise about this, for once !
tomorrow would be the cruise to stockholm. i need to sms mims about it, i don't know if it would be fair for her and juube if go along and either cough my lungs out the whole nights and they get no sleep, or even worse, i give them this disease too. now that wouldn't be too nice, would it ? and i don't even know how stupid it would be healthwise to go on a cruise now xD heck, it might go so that i'll end up getting hugely seasick and vomiting my insides out the whole trip. i really have no idea what my body will say, since i've never been on cruise before. that's one more reason i'd really like to go. if i still feel as mellow as i do now in the evening then i probably will go. it's not like i will excersize my ass off there, no sir. my first thought was that damn, i wish the sky would be clear and moon would be up and the sea would be calm so i could spend time on the deck and smoke and listen to some music and marvel the beauty of it all. some might call that lame. most people seem to go on cruises just to get shitfaced. i mean come on, you can very well do that on land. and it's cheaper that way too. but hey, whatever floats their boats. no pun there.
okay this entry just got a bit out of hand (lenghtwise). i wonder if anyone will read the whole scrapledoo. ah fuck time flies. too fast. and my head hurts. sigh.
Jan 24, 2009
i am an armsdealer, fitting you with weapons in the form of words
my whole body hurts, i'm coughing so hard i can't even sleep and there's nothing wrong with me =) thank you finnish healthcare. you suck. apparently it's nothing if a person can't breath properly, pulse is racing over hundred per minute... according to that i'm just imagining this. there's nothing wrong with me. yay. too bad that i know my body, and something's not right now. i need to go and visit the closest health center today. i'm just not sure if it's even open (it says on their doors that they're open 24/7 but they weren't open yesterday, so...) and calling is useless, that only works on weekdays. i seriously don't wanna go back to that same place i was last night. maybe i'll go to maria or something, maybe they'd be a little more fucking interested in the health of someone. ah fuck, this all just makes me feel so paranoid, like if i am really imagining this all :D you know, i HATE going to hospitals and seeing doctors. mainly because it always leads to me trying to fight them to understand that something is wrong. and because it ALWAYS goes like that i usually wait for ages in case the whatever would go away by itself (and usually it works) and only go to see a doctor if i'm really feeling bad. or someone else (usually mom...) beats me to going in. i'm a stubborn bastard, yeah i know, but that's just how i like things. i don't want to ask for help, i absolutely despise being dependant. i have a hate issue here it seems.
i should leave already and try to find a doctor. too bad that search will most likely take me hours and tons of miles... bleaargh.
i should leave already and try to find a doctor. too bad that search will most likely take me hours and tons of miles... bleaargh.
Jan 21, 2009
just the place to hopelessly encounter time and then came me
i wrote something down at work on monday because my head was so full of thoughts i didn't want to forget. i think i'll post that here later, when i have the energy to actually go and get that notebook and type type type. right now that's not an option. my head is full of goo and i'm coughing my poor lungs out. it hurts, really.
but yeah. at kotka, i am now. yesterday i was already on a little ride with filly (eve&suvela accompanying) and today again^^ i really should rest and not run around, but i'll be damned if i don't use the once a month times i have with my dear. just have to be careful to not completely kill myself. after all, i need to be back at work by 4pm friday. and fridays are hectic. i'm so gonna die. i kinda wish i'd lose my voice so i wouldn't be able to have the alarmphone xD i hate that piece of shit.
oh yeah. i'm headed to stockholm next tuesday with mimmu and juube :D i don't have basically any money to spend there, but hey who cares, it's a free cruise ! but really what is this, i've never been on a cruiseship, i've never stepped (or sailed or whatever) outside the borders of finland since i was dragged here as a little maggotbaby. and now i'm going on two cruises within two months (the second one will be at the very end of march and that's a company 10 year celebration cruise and fuck it's free too so what the fuck xD). weird.
i feel like going back to sleep. i have slept like a log that sweats a hundred gallons a night. it's not the best form of sleep but well. i need a week or so where i can just SLEEP. not gonna happen.
i'm gonna so die next month btw. while i was sitting in the bus on my way to kotka i had this flash: THAT FUCKING KELA BACKPAYMENT. over 350 euros. due february second. i'm so fucking dead unless i get kela to start paying me some money, so they could take that backpayment from those and give me nothing. either way. i'm so fucking dead. well, maybe not dead, but definitely broke. i.e. i won't be doing or buying ANYTHING on february. yippee.
well now. off to put some coffee coming and take the doggy out. damn, my head hurts.
but yeah. at kotka, i am now. yesterday i was already on a little ride with filly (eve&suvela accompanying) and today again^^ i really should rest and not run around, but i'll be damned if i don't use the once a month times i have with my dear. just have to be careful to not completely kill myself. after all, i need to be back at work by 4pm friday. and fridays are hectic. i'm so gonna die. i kinda wish i'd lose my voice so i wouldn't be able to have the alarmphone xD i hate that piece of shit.
oh yeah. i'm headed to stockholm next tuesday with mimmu and juube :D i don't have basically any money to spend there, but hey who cares, it's a free cruise ! but really what is this, i've never been on a cruiseship, i've never stepped (or sailed or whatever) outside the borders of finland since i was dragged here as a little maggotbaby. and now i'm going on two cruises within two months (the second one will be at the very end of march and that's a company 10 year celebration cruise and fuck it's free too so what the fuck xD). weird.
i feel like going back to sleep. i have slept like a log that sweats a hundred gallons a night. it's not the best form of sleep but well. i need a week or so where i can just SLEEP. not gonna happen.
i'm gonna so die next month btw. while i was sitting in the bus on my way to kotka i had this flash: THAT FUCKING KELA BACKPAYMENT. over 350 euros. due february second. i'm so fucking dead unless i get kela to start paying me some money, so they could take that backpayment from those and give me nothing. either way. i'm so fucking dead. well, maybe not dead, but definitely broke. i.e. i won't be doing or buying ANYTHING on february. yippee.
well now. off to put some coffee coming and take the doggy out. damn, my head hurts.
Jan 16, 2009
and you want to know where the winds come from
whoops i drank a whole bottle of wine. or actually one and half. oops. i wasn't supposed to. i really didn't mean to :D but the food we made was so gooooood (minced meat crepes with cheese) and i ummm just happened to open the the second bottle while we were playing sims2.... oops. and i have to be at work by 12:30 pm. ho shit. now i'm gonna pop a pill in my mouth and head to bed. what sleeping schedule, never heard of it. i guess i'm just too damn stupid. but what the fuck really xD
Jan 15, 2009
they say the empty can rattles the most
today i was supposed to have only a short meeting with our unit (discuss all the jazz abt the goods and nots abt this job) but boss wanted to get home so he offered me the evening hours. and i ofcourse was more than happy to do those, because well, i don't get too much hours per month, no way. it's kinda weird now that all the christmas and new year and shit have passed. i got so used to the hectic schedules of everything that this chilled working speed feels almost lazy xD there's even time to empty trash before they overflow and clean the feeders really well. weird.
and. i thought, i seriously fucking did think that i'd have no work tomorrow. but i have. what is this reallyyyyyyy. my memory is the shit. yay. but hey, not really complaining. i get 5 days of work this week. not the full hours, but still. almost like a "normal" job.
sigh. i think i had something to write down but i really can't remember again. i blame the continuous lack of sleep and sims2. bohohoo.
BUT ! i'm going to kotka next week. mah fillyjay<3 sloughi<3 and the kitties<3 and peeps maybe ? i dunno. i'll leave monday straight from work (after nine pm something) and come back friday morning, again probably straight to work. so yeah, if someone wants to see me, give a holler. i think most peeps have my number ? i have almost zero numbers still because of that damn phone theft. so yeah. call me or something~~
dang i love wine. alcohol is my frieeeeeeeend (of misery?)
and. i thought, i seriously fucking did think that i'd have no work tomorrow. but i have. what is this reallyyyyyyy. my memory is the shit. yay. but hey, not really complaining. i get 5 days of work this week. not the full hours, but still. almost like a "normal" job.
sigh. i think i had something to write down but i really can't remember again. i blame the continuous lack of sleep and sims2. bohohoo.
BUT ! i'm going to kotka next week. mah fillyjay<3 sloughi<3 and the kitties<3 and peeps maybe ? i dunno. i'll leave monday straight from work (after nine pm something) and come back friday morning, again probably straight to work. so yeah, if someone wants to see me, give a holler. i think most peeps have my number ? i have almost zero numbers still because of that damn phone theft. so yeah. call me or something~~
dang i love wine. alcohol is my frieeeeeeeend (of misery?)
Jan 10, 2009
come susie dear let's take a walk
i eat too much. no, this is not an "IMASOFATBOOHOO" entry. no, that first sentence merely refers to the amount of food i consume daily (it being huge) and taking too much money that way. what can i really do, i spend so fucking much energy that i NEED to eat a lot. i hate working when my muscles go all woobly because lack of energy. so i eat alot. and that seems to be a problem. okay, it IS a problem for me too, the money part... but i think if i raised my hand and suggested a solution, it would be shot down. yeah.
on to other things. i have known it for ages that i hardly move around at all when i sleep. but it can't be too healthy if i wake up hurting and it takes my body ages to start getting mobile again. oh le sigh.
agh i don't wanna go to work. i wanna go back to sleep. sleeeeeep. fucking sleeeeeeeeeeeeeep. that would be a killer.
fuck. i should have gotten up half an hour earlier. so i'd made it to smarket. fuck. fuck fuck fuck. why can't i do anything right. maybe that's why i like working hard and hectic. you don't have room for errors and the busy pace keeps your thoughts in place. or something like that.
fuck i gotta run now. so much for feeling almost cheery in the morning...
on to other things. i have known it for ages that i hardly move around at all when i sleep. but it can't be too healthy if i wake up hurting and it takes my body ages to start getting mobile again. oh le sigh.
agh i don't wanna go to work. i wanna go back to sleep. sleeeeeep. fucking sleeeeeeeeeeeeeep. that would be a killer.
fuck. i should have gotten up half an hour earlier. so i'd made it to smarket. fuck. fuck fuck fuck. why can't i do anything right. maybe that's why i like working hard and hectic. you don't have room for errors and the busy pace keeps your thoughts in place. or something like that.
fuck i gotta run now. so much for feeling almost cheery in the morning...
Jan 8, 2009
you'll be running but can't get anywhere
my shoulders are killing me. aka they HURT like a motherfucker.
work was nice today, the first time since i started there it was like really chill. no rush whatsoever. felt weird, being so that i've worked there about 1½ months and every day has been full of insane hurry. and now... all chill. weird, but definitely not unpleasant.
i almost felt like watching some kind of monster today. good thing that almost, because that one fell behind when i returned from goa. i.e. nora has it loaned :D i hope she'll get my point abt that "movie" when she'll watch it. i think she will.
fucking hell, i should be sleeping. i really really should. really. fucking really.
work was nice today, the first time since i started there it was like really chill. no rush whatsoever. felt weird, being so that i've worked there about 1½ months and every day has been full of insane hurry. and now... all chill. weird, but definitely not unpleasant.
i almost felt like watching some kind of monster today. good thing that almost, because that one fell behind when i returned from goa. i.e. nora has it loaned :D i hope she'll get my point abt that "movie" when she'll watch it. i think she will.
fucking hell, i should be sleeping. i really really should. really. fucking really.
Jan 5, 2009
anyone who ever stood in the light needs no explaining
i only write useless bits and pieces of thoughts these days. if i even write anything. sigh.
but yeah, saw aimo-mauri today, it's really been WAYYYY too long since the last time. we just hanged at skådespelare vääägen, with saana along, and yeah :D it was nice. tomorrow i shall go to work and die (hopefully not), and after i've died i shall catch a train and head to goa. drinking and lagging with nora, that's the plan for the evening/night. yeah.
so as i said, useless bits and pieces ! that's almost like my life xD
but yeah, saw aimo-mauri today, it's really been WAYYYY too long since the last time. we just hanged at skådespelare vääägen, with saana along, and yeah :D it was nice. tomorrow i shall go to work and die (hopefully not), and after i've died i shall catch a train and head to goa. drinking and lagging with nora, that's the plan for the evening/night. yeah.
so as i said, useless bits and pieces ! that's almost like my life xD
Jan 2, 2009
how about a hell yeah ?
the first entry on the mighty year 2009. yay.
i'm still a little sick, but off to work i go today. can't afford to be off anymore. shit, i hope i'll get my salary soon, because, uh, the rent ??? and i'm running out of cigs.
fuck yeah, and so on.
i'm still a little sick, but off to work i go today. can't afford to be off anymore. shit, i hope i'll get my salary soon, because, uh, the rent ??? and i'm running out of cigs.
fuck yeah, and so on.
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