come crawling faster

ONKS PAKKO MENNÄ TÖIHIN JOS EI HALUU =)))

yeah just had get that off my "chest". no really, i dun wanna go to work. nooooooy sir no. i just wanna sit on my fat butt, watch met dvd and get shitfaced. no can do, should actually be running already. fuck, i'm supposed to visit alko before work. think i need to catch a train this time, no way i'm gonna make it if i'm walking... fucking hell. but i only have half a bottle of wine and that's not even close being enough. fucking whee.

shit, maybe i'll just finish this fucking entry when i actually have time.

BURN MOTHERFURCKER BURN !!!!!!

so imah working man now. yey. shopping center/mall is where i spend my jollygood evenings, running around the parking halls collecting shopping carts and keeping the place in order, and at the bottle returning point, shuffling with the nasty stinking slimy old booze bottles. woohoo. i got the cart part of the deal in control pretty much perfectly by now, since i started my work on a day some dude got fired. meaning that no-one had time to actually teach me anything and friday+saturday are the busiest days of the week, so spent the days running with teh trolleys and tadah, mastered that art. but the bottle returning point stuff... ugh, there's just too many machines i'd need to know by heart and today was really my first day trying out with those. easy for doras (my co-worker) to say it's really simple, he's been doing that ages already... so i stressed alot. AND to make this day perfect, my phone is gone ! one moment (when i left for a trolley-run) it was in my pocket, and a while after that it's not there. chances are it fell when i was at the parking hall and somebody stole it (FUCK THEM) OR the more evil and nasty and crying worthy thing: it fell on the lines of the machines that take bottles and cans to these CRUSHING machines and poor poor phone dies a nasty horrible death. whatever happened, the result is the same: NO PHONE. i was so fucking pissed off when i ran around tracing back my steps and nothing. had to apologize doras a few times since i disappeared in the middle of a round. god fucking hell how much i wanted to start smashing things. anger management, this is it ! handling the trashglass bottles was helping to sooth my fuming a little (you basically just throw them in this container with as much of strength you wanna...) but still. rest of the day went on with this huge need to start breaking stuff/things(/people...). fucking shit. and oh, just to make things super cheery: my mp3-player runs out of batteries six pmish. so i have no phone, no music, nothing to raise my mood. so i smoked probably a ton and fumed 'till the end of the day. time went surprisingly fast thought.

i would SO bad want to get drunk right now. and all booze this house has is one lonkero (which is almost gone already). FUCK THIS SHIT. anyone who has booze, wanna come and drink with me or invite me over ? =)

ah fuck. maybe i'll just watch some kind of monster again.

shit, how am i gonna call kataja and sonera insurance tomorrow with no phone ??????????? FUCKING HELL. LIFE SCREW YOU GO KICK SOMEONE ELSE !

twisting your mind and smashing your dreams

ho fucking shit, i need to be at work in an hour ! shit ima in a hurreeh. fock.

i want an acoustic guitar. and a bass. but acoustic just for the starters. i wanna play again. and i wanna learn to sing, like really fucking sing. ah shit.

tonight i'm going to come home smelling like old booze, and for once it's not because i just drank my brains dead, but because of actually trying to earn a few bucks. i.e. i'm starting this shit of a job at bottle returning place thingy. fuck, i really couldn't care less abt it. thank heavens i have the gs4 interview coming next week. i sure fucking hope i get that one. being a security guard would suit me so much better. yeah ?

i also can't wait for my f'n hair to grow. you know, grow, like a lot. wait wait wait tic tic tic toc !

'scuse me while i tend to how i feel

this week i finally got to watch the some kind of monster-dvd that bought a few months back. i really recommend it. not to all of you who might be reading this, because well, some people just can't get so much out of it. yeah. but. this made me want to listen to metallica again. i guess, in a way, metallica has always been a band that i've liked. from like the age of maybe 12. at times it fades on the background, but now that i think of it, i've always liked listened some of their songs, and now... well, my inner metallica-fan has again been awoken. there's something about this band that really attracts me. i'm not making much sense am i ? no biggy, those who understand, i give you a thumbs up .D i really had an idea how to put this in words but it sort of has slipped my mind. oh well.

yesterday i went to see that dark knight batman movie with my girl. i was positively surprised, i actually liked that movie. i didn't expect to, it's been praised too much imo. but i liked it. joker = <3
today, well my girl wants to party. i don't know how i feel. not really in a party mood i guess ? maybe i don't feel like going out in a group and pretending that i'm having fun ? because i feel like that's what it would be. or then i would get shitfaced and have fun until i feel too sick. don't get me wrong, i am most likely going to get drunk today, but shitfaced was not a part of my plans. what plans ?? i don't have any.
and what is this strange choking i feel nowadays ? i feel.. trapped, restrained, held back. i don't know.
i don't know ! that's the most used phrase for me these times. i don't fucking know. my head is just so fucked up right now. everything seems to be fucked up. fuck. FUCK.

okay forget all of that. yeah. maybe i should just head to the gym and pump some iron. beat the hell outta myself. that would actually do good. hmmmm.


Mama, they try and break me.
The window burns to light the way back home
A light that warms no matter where they've gone.
They're off to find the hero of the day
But what if they should fall by someone's wicked way?
Still the window burns, time so slowly turns
Someone there is sighing
Keepers of the flames
Do you feel your names?
Do you hear your babies crying?
Mama they try and break me
Still they try and break me
'Scuse me while I tend to how I feel
These things return to me that still seem real
Now deservingly this easy chair
But the rocking stops by wheels of despair
Don't want your aid
But the fist I've made for years won't hold or feel
No I'm not all me
So please excuse me while I tend to how I fell
But now the dreams and waking screams that ever last through the night (echoed between James and Jason)

So build the wall behind it crawl and hide until it's light
Can you hear your babies crying now?
Still the window burns
Time so slowly turns
And someone there is sighing
Keepers of the flames, can't you feel your names?
Can't you hear your babies crying?
But now the dreams and waking screams that
ever last the night
So build a wall behind it crawl
And hide until it's light
So can't you hear your babies crying now?
Mama they try and break me
Mama they try and break me
Mama they try and break me
Mama they try mama they try
Mama they try and break me
Mama they try and break me
Mama they try and break me
Mama they try and break me
Mama they try and break me
Mama they try and break me
Mama they try Mama they try

dare you, dare you, double dare you

i NEVER wanna move again... ok, i do, but then i will fucking have near zero amount of stuff. ..... and today i had a job interview to this moving company xD buahahah.
BUT ANYGAYS. we are fucking home now ! this place is a royal mess but we'll get there. some damn glorious day. oh btw, i found out the reason why no one's ever heard of this as i went through the hugeass information pdf thingy abt this place: THIS IS A FUCKING COMMUNITY. seriously, these few housecomplexes form this community and it's a fucking tight one. plus this community is christian.... shit, what have we done ??? XD and this place also feels so much like silent hill that it's not even possible. the sun is shining but still you can almost hear the sirens go off and darkness starting to fall. plus our fridge sounds like those childlike stretchy faced creatures in the movie, you know the sound they make before they start to scream. buahahha. this is nice.

yes, as i was saying. i'm (we're) off to go through some shops now. trying to find some kinkyness ahoy colored bulbs for our lamps :D and i'm desperate for that leatherjacket..... and shoes....

i think i'll have a doughnut now.

we are lost, we can never go home

yesterday i was mentally kicking myself within 15 minutes from arriving to goa. for a while it was ok, but then, well... i fucking don't feel like i have a place there and frankly, i don't think i even want that. i'm sick of all the commune life, it just doesn't do any good to me. it's all fun and love for few days or a week or something, but not more. fuck i need an apartment. soon. fucking hell.
PLUS: today at work was very chill, no hurry at all, but i still felt like shit. my head has been spinning the whole day, my vision keeps blurring, my nose is stuffed and my throat hurts. gaah. i think i'm really sick now. whoops. too bad that i can't afford to take days off =)) fuck yeah. a new guy started today too, this some fruittari/amis kinda dude called tomppa. he's ok. boho i don't want eemeli to quit too soon ;____; he's such a darling x_x
but yeah. now i'm lagging at my girl's place and feeling like shit. and cursing that my goddamn salary hasn't come. and it probably won't before the end of the month =)))) fucking whee. must talk to mister mattila tomorrow about this, because i had a spoken agreement about my salary and it was supposed to be paid every two weeks. my bad that i was so goddamn tired and pöhnänen when i signed the damn workdeal that i didn't realize what it said about the payments. and now i'm just fucking pissed off. i'm basically broke =)) yay.
i think i need to lay down now. maybe watch telly or something and try to rest.

five for japanese babies

so the endurance races take place on 21st of september, it's sunday. i don't think i'll be taking part on those this time because i won't be here to train my dear. but i'll go and be on the service troops at least 8)
now i should REALLY go and take a shower, then make myself human, search some papers and then head off to city centre and take care of shitty busineeeeees. blah this is death. but evening today and tomorrow it's filly <3 and sunday morning some long maasto trip. god i'm going to miss her so bad...

and I can tell you my love for you will still be strong, after the boys of summer have gone

hohohohHOHOHOH 8D

i have fucking been up since 5:20 am and now i stop to take a breath ! went to take care of the morningchores at stables. i.e. fed the pretties and took them out. mims came there with me. yuca was supposed to come too, but *krhm* something happened XD so it was just me and mims. she took maycon and i took my precioussss<33
we rode to kalmankuja, where pertti gave bread to the girls, vili almost stomped bioska and yuca decided to jump on a bike and come to the river with us :D vili seemed highly amused by the guy biking next to her, and shen we were on our way back she decided she wasn't letting juube go faster and past her with his bike. so she jumped up a gait and ran<3 mah baby was having so much fun ^^
when we got to katis, mims threw yuube on maikki's saddle and he rode the rest of the trip. he seemed so happy :D

GODDAMNIT ! i should be at kotkansaari already ;________; that fucking byrokratiapaska closes at 3 or 3:30 pm ! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK. i think i'll be forced to walk all the way to kyminlinna desu. blaaaaaaaaaaaargh.

i'm outta cigs ;___;

oh shit anni & saana are jumping to their bus soon P___P shait.