die with your boots on

i had tons of fun yesterday. i got up before 8am, ate breakfast, had my coffee (tried to wake up) and then jogged to meet with nora at myrtsi. it took us ages to find the swimming hall, but we got there in the end. it was wonderful to be in water again. i have strong muscles, but damn, they're definitely not built for swimming. need to start going swimming at least once a week. even thought it seems that the swimming did a little downfall for my lungs, i.e. my coughing is worse again... shit. but still !
today i have a short shift at work, just 4,25 hrs. tomorrow 8 hrs and saturday 9. and saturday i'm jumping in a bus to kotka. can't wait to get to see fillyjay and all the animals again <3 and i hope that this time i'll be able to meet people longer than just an hour before i leave back...
that just means there's tons to do before i leave. clean the ratties' cage etc.
sometimes i just wish so much that i could turn back time. not really, but still.

just the place to hopelessly encounter time and then came me

i wrote something down at work on monday because my head was so full of thoughts i didn't want to forget. i think i'll post that here later, when i have the energy to actually go and get that notebook and type type type. right now that's not an option. my head is full of goo and i'm coughing my poor lungs out. it hurts, really.
but yeah. at kotka, i am now. yesterday i was already on a little ride with filly (eve&suvela accompanying) and today again^^ i really should rest and not run around, but i'll be damned if i don't use the once a month times i have with my dear. just have to be careful to not completely kill myself. after all, i need to be back at work by 4pm friday. and fridays are hectic. i'm so gonna die. i kinda wish i'd lose my voice so i wouldn't be able to have the alarmphone xD i hate that piece of shit.
oh yeah. i'm headed to stockholm next tuesday with mimmu and juube :D i don't have basically any money to spend there, but hey who cares, it's a free cruise ! but really what is this, i've never been on a cruiseship, i've never stepped (or sailed or whatever) outside the borders of finland since i was dragged here as a little maggotbaby. and now i'm going on two cruises within two months (the second one will be at the very end of march and that's a company 10 year celebration cruise and fuck it's free too so what the fuck xD). weird.
i feel like going back to sleep. i have slept like a log that sweats a hundred gallons a night. it's not the best form of sleep but well. i need a week or so where i can just SLEEP. not gonna happen.
i'm gonna so die next month btw. while i was sitting in the bus on my way to kotka i had this flash: THAT FUCKING KELA BACKPAYMENT. over 350 euros. due february second. i'm so fucking dead unless i get kela to start paying me some money, so they could take that backpayment from those and give me nothing. either way. i'm so fucking dead. well, maybe not dead, but definitely broke. i.e. i won't be doing or buying ANYTHING on february. yippee.

well now. off to put some coffee coming and take the doggy out. damn, my head hurts.

they say the empty can rattles the most

today i was supposed to have only a short meeting with our unit (discuss all the jazz abt the goods and nots abt this job) but boss wanted to get home so he offered me the evening hours. and i ofcourse was more than happy to do those, because well, i don't get too much hours per month, no way. it's kinda weird now that all the christmas and new year and shit have passed. i got so used to the hectic schedules of everything that this chilled working speed feels almost lazy xD there's even time to empty trash before they overflow and clean the feeders really well. weird.
and. i thought, i seriously fucking did think that i'd have no work tomorrow. but i have. what is this reallyyyyyyy. my memory is the shit. yay. but hey, not really complaining. i get 5 days of work this week. not the full hours, but still. almost like a "normal" job.

sigh. i think i had something to write down but i really can't remember again. i blame the continuous lack of sleep and sims2. bohohoo.
BUT ! i'm going to kotka next week. mah fillyjay<3 sloughi<3 and the kitties<3 and peeps maybe ? i dunno. i'll leave monday straight from work (after nine pm something) and come back friday morning, again probably straight to work. so yeah, if someone wants to see me, give a holler. i think most peeps have my number ? i have almost zero numbers still because of that damn phone theft. so yeah. call me or something~~

dang i love wine. alcohol is my frieeeeeeeend (of misery?)

good day to be alive

here i am, @ kotka again. came here last night (for once i was moving early, not in the middle of the night....), ate myself silly, lagged in front of the telly watching all kinds of shit and petted the kitties<3 and ofcourse sipped some wine. today i had to wake up at 8 am, to get my youngest brother up and to take our little old grandpa doggy out. i was supposed to go and escort my mom from the hospital, but it turned out it wasn't necessary, so i'm just waiting for her cab to come here now. and after that i'll be waiting for one bro to come home so i can leave to stablesssss ! fillyjay, how fucking much have i missed her ;___;<3 i could have spent whole november here with her since i wasn't working anyway... booh, what's done is done, no use fretting over that anymore. what matters is that i'll have these three days with my prettyling<3

mghaisfhsaf. i know i had something in mind but wow and behold, it's fucking gone. my brains are such a mass of concentrated failure these days. the bottleroom must be to blame, i'm sure. yeah right. i fucking hope i hear from the g4s soon and something positive. even thought i love this brainless, physical work, i know my joints aren't gonna take it much longer. which really sucks mofo ass. oh bummer, just need to start going to some gym and pump iron. not really my cup of tea, hence the fact that i've NEVER been good at training by my self. i'm too lazy. maybe the security guard job would motivate me enough.

sigh i want a bass.
and yeah ! snooping through my brothers cd collection i found out he has not only garage inc. (which i knew he had) but also ride the lightning, kill 'em all and master of puppets ! and he doesn't even listen to metallica anymore... and i'm such a bad "fan" to say this, but garage inc. is really the only one of those four albums i like :D i mean, i like some songs out of those, but it's something about james' voice when he was younger that really doesn't love my ears xD i like the songs but only maybe live versions that have "matured" james singing them (OR JASON n___n).... buahahhaha.

okay enough of this bable, bitch, shut the fuck up. and go do something useful. not.

i liked the way we slept on rooftops in the summertime

being back here has brought up so many thoughts and doubts. and fears. i hate this. i wish my head was as clear as the sky on nice freezing winter morning =)) but i'll get past this. we will. i trust in that.
gah how is it possible to be this tired even thought i slept something like 9-10 hours ??? and i still need to go to stables and ride lulubell and nuunuu my fillyjay<33 god how much it hurts to even think i'm giving her up completely. no, i won't do that. i will come and visit during weekends, and when i've worked long enough and saved some money, i will buy her and bring her closer to me<333 who cares if she's already on the older side of horse's age ? who cares if she's not the greatest and most expensive competition horse ever ?? i don't, i love her so much it hurts. she's the most important thing ever. she will be mine, sooner or later <3333
but yes. it was strange to try and fall asleep alone o__o i was dead tired but still i couldn't catch the dreamland. booh. but, only one night alone ^^ then... !
yeah. now off to pack some stuff, change clothes and gagaga all that :D

so let's go there, let's make our escape

i never thought i'd find myself in a situation like this so early in life. yet, here i am, head over heels and can't imagine a life without her. there's a big part of me that want's to run away, run and never look back, before i get hurt again. but this time, THIS FUCKING TIME i won't run. this time i'm going to fight, and hopefully win against my head. i'm fucking scared and doubtful but fuck, all good things require hell of an amount of work, don't they. and i'm willing to work for this.

When dreaming I'm guided through another world
Time and time again
At sunrise I fight to stay asleep
'Cause I don't want to leave the comfort of this place
'Cause there's a hunger, a longing to escape
From the life I live when I'm awake
So let's go there
Let's make our escape
Come on, let's go there
Let's ask can we stay?
Can you take me higher?
To the place where blind men see
Can you take me higher?
To the place with golden streets
Although I would like our world to change
It helps me to appreciate
Those nights and those dreams
But, my friend, I'd sacrifice all those nights
If I could make the Earth and my dreams the same
The only difference is
To let love replace all our hate
So let's go there
Let's make our escape
Come on, let's go there
Let's ask can we stay?
Up high I feel like I'm alive for the very first time
Up high I'm strong enough to take these dreams
And make them mine

oh yeah i've been off work since yesterday. after wednesday i was so dead that aiski and anni kicked me to realize that i need to rest. oh come on, i only like almost fainted a couple of times xD okay, this was needed, the maybe 15 hours of sleep yesterday and today a good night too. i feel slightly better.
today i'm going to kotka. before leaving i need to go and visit goa, get some of my more summerish stuff and take that back to kotka. warmer clothes, i neeeeed those now. autumn began too soon.
and miss my filly terribly...

we may rise and fall, but in the end we meet our fate together

still no salary. woohoo. and i saw mattila today couple of times, but he was either having a sales conversation or something as important on phone, or running to a meeting inside the office. and then when the meeting ended he flew out of the door before i could catch him. fooock. maybe i should call him, that should work xD
eemeli got the job ! hail and gongrats to him but it's still sorta sad that he leaves. if his meeting goes well tomorrow, he will start the job almost immediately and will never return to evening serviceeee ;____; then i'll be all alone with the ÄIJÄT and our new guy, tomppa. he listens to suomi rap... *death* ......... ok yeah. he's not that bad. but still, we seem to have nothing to talk about or in common. we just don't click, you know. i get along with eemeli and i got along with juho, ari and santtu too. and hugo x)) too bad they're all gone or leaving. fock. just gotta live with the fact that work isn't going to be so social anymore :D if only i'd just get that salaryyy........

i really need to take a shower now. and then off to visit the shop my girl is working at today. she ordered so. and she also told me to buy mysli and yoghurt. hoho. damn i have no munny. and no food. except that saaristolais leipä. damn it's good. but i can't live solely on that. and fuck. i really need the salary this week. need to get to kotkaaaaaa. fillyyyy oh how fucking much i miss her ;___;<3333333

five for japanese babies

so the endurance races take place on 21st of september, it's sunday. i don't think i'll be taking part on those this time because i won't be here to train my dear. but i'll go and be on the service troops at least 8)
now i should REALLY go and take a shower, then make myself human, search some papers and then head off to city centre and take care of shitty busineeeeees. blah this is death. but evening today and tomorrow it's filly <3 and sunday morning some long maasto trip. god i'm going to miss her so bad...

i see you, type of girl with the pearls and all, jewels and all

three and more nights in a row i lay awake 'till late morning hours. i usually am up to see the sun rise. some part of me awaits, just a little something to tell me... well yeah. i get nothing thought. except a mention in a writing, a fucking question. you know, you could have sent me an sms. or something more personal. ah fuck this.

yesterday my filly was as nice as ever<3 stupid micro had kicked her, there was a little wound and some warmth on her leg. so hose, our best friend, comes along and gives us cold water. today it's the shoeing day, dears get new boots on. also means a day off. i think i'll still go to evening. that bitch is going to be there too. i hope she'd keel over and... mwaahahahah.

damn i think i need to get extensions. to my (non-existant) sideburns at least and maybe something else. just wouldn't really like to use the old ones since it means me playing with that awful glue again xDD last time my fingers died. really.

i also need to dye my hair again soon... oh le sigh.