i know that it's killing me, and it's poisoning the best of me

how much luck can one person have. my over a week lasting headache exploded on saturday, leaving me needing a visit to hospital... i got medicines which cost a fortune. and sickleave. the doctor thought that it's not a good idea if go to work on monday. and NOW i agree with her, hence the fact that i woke up few hours ago to a feeling of PAIN. my head hurt, my eyes hurt, my airways were feeling blocked and i had sweat the sheets and my t-shirt all wet. nice. so i popped the antibiotics in my mouth and some pain killers and headed to soak myself in boiling hot shower for half an hour. it helped to get some of the slime residing in my lungs and ontelotvity to come out... ah shit i still need to pack up all the stuff i will need since i'm not coming back to kotka that soon. and i need to and visit some offices and my apartment to get bills and stuff out. fucking hell.
oh yeah, as if it isn't all too cheery already: i think i broke my toe yesterday 8) the little toe of my right foot, it's been broken a number of times before so it's nothing new. but it hurts xD i rule the art of FAIL.

five for japanese babies

so the endurance races take place on 21st of september, it's sunday. i don't think i'll be taking part on those this time because i won't be here to train my dear. but i'll go and be on the service troops at least 8)
now i should REALLY go and take a shower, then make myself human, search some papers and then head off to city centre and take care of shitty busineeeeees. blah this is death. but evening today and tomorrow it's filly <3 and sunday morning some long maasto trip. god i'm going to miss her so bad...

the breaking of the fellowship is coming closer each day

ropecon was lol. i lol'd a lot. and dissaus is life.

i sort of feel... useless. like i'm not needed. not worthy. jealous, too, in a way. is it really so that it's more fun/important/whatever to keep in touch with other people and not me. i'm fighting not to let this feeling take over.

today i shall go back to kotka.

leave taking

according to what my friends vote on face book i suck at dancing. tear.
ugh, my right ankle, left knee and right wrist are all swollen. the feet parts because we (me, mah girl, saana-chan, aiski-shi & nora) did this really random trip yestreday: we went to vuosaari and headed for this hill called mustavuori ! fucking epic trip. as usual, we just couldn't use the roads, no. we went through forests, fields, old vittujäteasema, more bushes... but we made it the mount doom alive :D isengard was there to tell us our location all the time x) back "home" we made it something after 12:30 am...
this morning has been slow. i dyed anni's hair, she's now in the shower washing it off. so we just wait to see how it turned out. agh. in a way i feel kinda.. empty. thinking about seeing her go in just a few hours... and i don't know how far i will be allowed to come to see her off. maybe she wants to go to the airport alone ? ok not alone but yeah. shit.
oh le sigh.

oh looky, just like us yesterday ! just not sure who's the pony...

oh le sigh.