what started out to be a joke, the law don't understand

my right wrist has been killing me this week. you know, hurting like hell.
today i'm headed back home again. it's been nice being here. i miss these places so much sometimes. i don't know, i just feel i will be returning here at some point. that maybe in two years, or a decade. i don't know. but i do know that i've missed the stables, people, animals, the familiar forest trails with my dear. those are something i can't quite find anywhere else. i'm not making much sense right now, but yeah.
now i need my dosage of caffeine in the form of euroshopper energydrink. then, off i go.

and by the way, i made it through the day

hmmm. been absent here for a while... what's happened ? alot ! and not. but i'm feeling the spring in my bones ! you know, like even in all the shit my mind tries to make up, i still find reasons to be glad i woke up. i guess i have found this sort zen'ish state of mind xD
i've had some terrible days at work (hectic, hard, you name it)... but also wonderful times with dear peeps and some who are becoming dears. it's done some good to me, hanging out with people more often (okay, once a week or so but still!) than once a month or something. there is this social part of me who enjoys times like these so much.
i've also gotten back on track with horses. been riding with takku a few times (again on wednesday<3) and now i got myself a new horse to ride with. i was asked by the owner of the stable to ride with her horse sometimes. and i ofcourse said yes. the first time with that mare, tella is her name, will be tomorrow (... today....) morning. we'll see how that goes.
dear peeps are getting older soon and there's a party coming ! so much planning still ahead and all, not to even mention i have no idea what i'm going to wear there. but it's still good 3 months away, so no immediate need for panic. and i have helping hands and minds, so i won't die.

tomorrow (TODAY) it's korean food with nora<3 if i don't get called to work. i could use the hours, but this time i'd rather not go... we'll see, boss hasn't contacted me yet.
i should already be sleeping. i have to get up at 7 am...... stupid me.
would've wanted to write a long entry with more deep thoughts but i'm too lazy to think deep now.

you're feeding your ego with what you can see outside

OLIPA VITTU PÄIVÄ =)))
just had to get that out. 9 hrs and fuck i'm so dead. why the fuck thursdays must be the beginning of weekend hectics ? gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. and i fucking was right to think that atleast one machine will blow up while i'm alone there ! FUCKING RIGHT. today's food saldo is two portions of cheesemacaronistuff, 2 cheeseburgers, apple... bah and it wasn't too much at all. to make this work thing even more cheery... one of my co-workers called in sick, so me and pellikka are pulling a heavy friday night tomorrow, and my saturday's shift got 3 hrs longer. lovely.
but. tomorrow i have a early rise. we're off to fleamarket hopping with nora. can't wait ^^ just hope the weather is decent. like sunshine, maybe ? and on saturday, after i've died a thousand deaths at work (not) we're off to this 80s party. my brains are overflowing already with thoughts and ideas abt what i'm gonna wear, how i'm gonna do my hair and maybe makeup. too bad that i dyed my hair already, the peroxide blonde would've been ideal. but i'll live. because it's FUCKING 80S PARTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH ! i've been drooling over one for over 2 years now, and that's fucking too long. because 80s is love.
also. it appears i can't afford to go to kotka at all this month. it's gonna have to wait 'till next payday. this kinda sucks, because i miss filly and the kitties and sloughi. but well. i'll live :D i'll just work hard and go riding with takku. heehehee that's another thing i can hardly wait ! i'm going to hop on that horse's back on sunday *__* and after that i'm probably gonna go and have a ride with her every wednesday and friday. bhihbibhibhi forestridinggg<3 wants !

now. i should hop hop and go to lilluskel to the tub and soak myself clean. would sooth my sore muscles maybe.

don't you think this outlaw bit's done got out of hand

after some "intense" googling i find myself staring at the picture of my future carehorse to be (if everything goes alright). HELP ME SHE'S 176 FUCKING CM HIGH !! XDD she's fucking huge... i'm so used to thinking that maikki from our stable is huge and she's abt 165 cm... woah. good thing i'm not allowed to ride immediately, i'd need fucking ladders to get up there ! woah. but the horse's name is taktika, she's a pretty chesnut blazehead with perfect long legs for cross country. the pic only tells half of the truth so i will see how she really is on tuesday ^^ can't wait ! but man... she's so big....... i think i really like smaller horses better than those elephant halves they breed these days xD but we'll see how we get along (me and the owner (found her on facebook......................................... u__u) and the mare ofcourse). on tuesday. yeah. shit i'm starting to get nervous here ! fock.

i'm a leading man, and the lies i weave are oh so intricate

2:20 pm doctor's appointment. before that (preferably) a visit to dear finnish bureaucracy offices. i don't have a fucking glue how i'll survive the next month. somehow i will, thought, i always do.

i didn't mention it here yet, but i got a new carehorse. i haven't seen the mare yet, nor her owner, but i talked with her (the owner) on the phone (she called me on friday morning) and she sounded surprisingly nice. considering the fact that this indeed the capital city area and the riders and horse owners here are mostly creamassed fancy bitches. and she made it sound like she's already decided that i will be her new horse trustee. i don't mind. the horse in question is a 5 years old mare, training in crosscountry, and her owner told she is a real mare, aka a true woman ;D sounds just like the horses i usually best get along with. so this should be interesting. the horse is moving to a new stable, 8 km or something from here, on january 31st, and i'm going to go and meet her on feb 2nd. i can't wait ! it's super nice to finally find a horsey around here too, because i always miss my dearest filly so much, and being around horses in general. and stable this mare will be living at is not even some capital city area creamass huge fancy sticks-in-our-asses-stable. it's a small one, just 6 places or so. and it's on the better side of ring III <333 forests, fields<33 i'm gonna be in heaven. no, i'm not allowed to ride with the mare, atleast not yet. maybe in the future the owner will let me take her beauty for little forest walks or something *_* the owner also told that her friend has a horse at that stable too, so if i'd be interested in having a second care horse, that's mighty happening. well we shall see how this goes.

boy that was some fucking messy writing... feel free to ask if i was totally unclear and/or making no sense at all.
i should fucking jump to the shower already and start walking. i feel sort of stupid going to the doctor now that i'm already feeling better (i think the puventol, which is this astmamedicine, my mom gave me helped to get my breathing not so blocked and the yesterdays high fever might have worked again to burn away the disease), but i really need to get some sick leave from work, since i'm definitely not in shape to push myself physically. see, i'm trying to be smart and wise about this, for once !
tomorrow would be the cruise to stockholm. i need to sms mims about it, i don't know if it would be fair for her and juube if go along and either cough my lungs out the whole nights and they get no sleep, or even worse, i give them this disease too. now that wouldn't be too nice, would it ? and i don't even know how stupid it would be healthwise to go on a cruise now xD heck, it might go so that i'll end up getting hugely seasick and vomiting my insides out the whole trip. i really have no idea what my body will say, since i've never been on cruise before. that's one more reason i'd really like to go. if i still feel as mellow as i do now in the evening then i probably will go. it's not like i will excersize my ass off there, no sir. my first thought was that damn, i wish the sky would be clear and moon would be up and the sea would be calm so i could spend time on the deck and smoke and listen to some music and marvel the beauty of it all. some might call that lame. most people seem to go on cruises just to get shitfaced. i mean come on, you can very well do that on land. and it's cheaper that way too. but hey, whatever floats their boats. no pun there.

okay this entry just got a bit out of hand (lenghtwise). i wonder if anyone will read the whole scrapledoo. ah fuck time flies. too fast. and my head hurts. sigh.

good day to be alive

here i am, @ kotka again. came here last night (for once i was moving early, not in the middle of the night....), ate myself silly, lagged in front of the telly watching all kinds of shit and petted the kitties<3 and ofcourse sipped some wine. today i had to wake up at 8 am, to get my youngest brother up and to take our little old grandpa doggy out. i was supposed to go and escort my mom from the hospital, but it turned out it wasn't necessary, so i'm just waiting for her cab to come here now. and after that i'll be waiting for one bro to come home so i can leave to stablesssss ! fillyjay, how fucking much have i missed her ;___;<3 i could have spent whole november here with her since i wasn't working anyway... booh, what's done is done, no use fretting over that anymore. what matters is that i'll have these three days with my prettyling<3

mghaisfhsaf. i know i had something in mind but wow and behold, it's fucking gone. my brains are such a mass of concentrated failure these days. the bottleroom must be to blame, i'm sure. yeah right. i fucking hope i hear from the g4s soon and something positive. even thought i love this brainless, physical work, i know my joints aren't gonna take it much longer. which really sucks mofo ass. oh bummer, just need to start going to some gym and pump iron. not really my cup of tea, hence the fact that i've NEVER been good at training by my self. i'm too lazy. maybe the security guard job would motivate me enough.

sigh i want a bass.
and yeah ! snooping through my brothers cd collection i found out he has not only garage inc. (which i knew he had) but also ride the lightning, kill 'em all and master of puppets ! and he doesn't even listen to metallica anymore... and i'm such a bad "fan" to say this, but garage inc. is really the only one of those four albums i like :D i mean, i like some songs out of those, but it's something about james' voice when he was younger that really doesn't love my ears xD i like the songs but only maybe live versions that have "matured" james singing them (OR JASON n___n).... buahahhaha.

okay enough of this bable, bitch, shut the fuck up. and go do something useful. not.

i liked the way we slept on rooftops in the summertime

being back here has brought up so many thoughts and doubts. and fears. i hate this. i wish my head was as clear as the sky on nice freezing winter morning =)) but i'll get past this. we will. i trust in that.
gah how is it possible to be this tired even thought i slept something like 9-10 hours ??? and i still need to go to stables and ride lulubell and nuunuu my fillyjay<33 god how much it hurts to even think i'm giving her up completely. no, i won't do that. i will come and visit during weekends, and when i've worked long enough and saved some money, i will buy her and bring her closer to me<333 who cares if she's already on the older side of horse's age ? who cares if she's not the greatest and most expensive competition horse ever ?? i don't, i love her so much it hurts. she's the most important thing ever. she will be mine, sooner or later <3333
but yes. it was strange to try and fall asleep alone o__o i was dead tired but still i couldn't catch the dreamland. booh. but, only one night alone ^^ then... !
yeah. now off to pack some stuff, change clothes and gagaga all that :D

and I can tell you my love for you will still be strong, after the boys of summer have gone

hohohohHOHOHOH 8D

i have fucking been up since 5:20 am and now i stop to take a breath ! went to take care of the morningchores at stables. i.e. fed the pretties and took them out. mims came there with me. yuca was supposed to come too, but *krhm* something happened XD so it was just me and mims. she took maycon and i took my precioussss<33
we rode to kalmankuja, where pertti gave bread to the girls, vili almost stomped bioska and yuca decided to jump on a bike and come to the river with us :D vili seemed highly amused by the guy biking next to her, and shen we were on our way back she decided she wasn't letting juube go faster and past her with his bike. so she jumped up a gait and ran<3 mah baby was having so much fun ^^
when we got to katis, mims threw yuube on maikki's saddle and he rode the rest of the trip. he seemed so happy :D

GODDAMNIT ! i should be at kotkansaari already ;________; that fucking byrokratiapaska closes at 3 or 3:30 pm ! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK. i think i'll be forced to walk all the way to kyminlinna desu. blaaaaaaaaaaaargh.

i'm outta cigs ;___;

oh shit anni & saana are jumping to their bus soon P___P shait.

there will be no clapping ! >8O

kuin on oikeesti mahdollista että kahtena päivänä peräkkäin päädyn kalastamaan samaa irti juoksevaa hevosta tallin mailta ???? :D toissapäivänä lulu tuli aidasta läpi kun jätin sen odottamaan että haen ensin vilin ja suvin. sit se paineli mukanamme tallille, onneks seuras ihan rauhallisesti eikä lähten sutii minnekää. ja sit eilen! otin suvin eka sisään kun v+l ei jaksaneet vielä liikkuu toisest päästä laitsaa... ja sit otin vilin kiinni, avasin portin ja koitin nappaa lulua, joka häseltäessään (ahnehtiessaan onko mulla herkkuja..) tökkäs turpansa sähkölankaan ja sai tietysti kamalan paskalaagin ja kiiteli micron ja maijan luokse. ei ees antannu kiinni kun henna koitti tarjota leipää, eeei kun sekin antaa varmasti tällin. nutipäääää. onneks se meni taas nätisti talliin :D SIGH.

okay just had to rant that in finnish, because my verbal expression is very limited right now, i fail.
there's a change i could come to helsinki tomorrow, since on the route to vihti we go along kehä 3 supposedly, so when we're like coming back i could jump of the truck and come hang there. just hang because i definitely have no money to party. just don't know if i want to ruin my girl's weekend like that. heck i don't even know would she choose party over me :DD fuck this.

i'm bloated like no tomorrow. the painkillers i got from the doc on monday, well i seem to be allergic to them or something, because the fluids started gathering on my body during already the first night ! yuckh. sucks, because i'd really need some painkillers. my hand is hurting like hell all the time and it's swollen... stoopid.
what else... hmm, i wonder should this blog be one of limited viewing... nah too lazy. to care. blah.
gonna go and run around the city for a few hours today, gotta get some things arranged.
AND FUCK I STILL DON'T KNOW IF I'LL SELL THE MIYAVI TICKET OR NOT !!!!!!!!!!!!! >___<

.... sigh.