i'm the 45 that's in your mouth, i'm a dirty, dirty whore

oh boy what wonderful hmm 4 days i've had. last wednesday i went straight from stables to nora's place and after that i've been with her almost nonstop, excluding abt 7 hrs on thursday when i had work. after work i just quickly visited home, cleaned the ratties, took a shower and was off again. damn, i haven't been so drunk in fucking ages. literally shitfaced. and that was fucking great. yesterday was a hangover day, not surprising really. still was a great day, we just lagged and ate like pigs. that (eating like pigs) was something we also started on wednesday. fattyfattylardyfood. fucking good, and needed, because that's something we're not gonna be able to do in a very very fucking long time. drinking's also that kind of thing. i think i'm gonna cut way back on my drinking from now on. and really consider atleast smoking less. trying to be a little healthier.
the weather outside is deadly beautiful and i so fucking dun want to go to the batcave (as me & big D started calling our work place some unholy saturday or something...). days like this should be spent outdoors. enjoying the sun and the summery feel in the air. i hope tomorrow brings another beautiful day.
now down some coffee, and off i go.

and you want to know where the winds come from

whoops i drank a whole bottle of wine. or actually one and half. oops. i wasn't supposed to. i really didn't mean to :D but the food we made was so gooooood (minced meat crepes with cheese) and i ummm just happened to open the the second bottle while we were playing sims2.... oops. and i have to be at work by 12:30 pm. ho shit. now i'm gonna pop a pill in my mouth and head to bed. what sleeping schedule, never heard of it. i guess i'm just too damn stupid. but what the fuck really xD

come susie dear let's take a walk

i eat too much. no, this is not an "IMASOFATBOOHOO" entry. no, that first sentence merely refers to the amount of food i consume daily (it being huge) and taking too much money that way. what can i really do, i spend so fucking much energy that i NEED to eat a lot. i hate working when my muscles go all woobly because lack of energy. so i eat alot. and that seems to be a problem. okay, it IS a problem for me too, the money part... but i think if i raised my hand and suggested a solution, it would be shot down. yeah.

on to other things. i have known it for ages that i hardly move around at all when i sleep. but it can't be too healthy if i wake up hurting and it takes my body ages to start getting mobile again. oh le sigh.
agh i don't wanna go to work. i wanna go back to sleep. sleeeeeep. fucking sleeeeeeeeeeeeeep. that would be a killer.
fuck. i should have gotten up half an hour earlier. so i'd made it to smarket. fuck. fuck fuck fuck. why can't i do anything right. maybe that's why i like working hard and hectic. you don't have room for errors and the busy pace keeps your thoughts in place. or something like that.
fuck i gotta run now. so much for feeling almost cheery in the morning...

everybody run now, everybody run

this week hasn't been the greatest. i've been feeling very anxious and agitated, and fallen apart nearly. i'm still insulted/pissed/angry about this one thing that was "said" on tuesday. i really have no strength or interest to take that kind of shit. you are not the only one who feel down and has issues, damnit. and you're not the only one who has the right to fall apart sometimes. are you really that selfish that you don't REALLY care about no-one but you ? or do you just not see how you act ? don't think i'd consider even for a moment that keeping you happy would be more important than me. if you can't handle that and get all pissy if this happens, well then all i can say is too bad. i've tolerated this kind of behavior too long and now i'm done. if you think you can just act like that and then after a few days be like it's all k... it just doesn't work like that, you know. the person in question, you know very well who you are. think about it, and when you think you can talk about it like an adult without going defensive and bitchy, then try me.
i wrote a long entry abt how i felt on tuesday, but i chose not to post it. like i chose not to answer that sms. which probably was the best choice, since i was practically fuming. it's just so fucking annoying. maybe i'm just too kind and take too much crap and give people too many chances. and oh fuck, i do know that i am a shitty person most of the time too, but fuck, at least i try to admit it, and change it.

yeah. weekend started fucking well too. our superior came to our bunker when me and tomppa were on a coffee break, told us that he and the guys are leaving now, and oh btw you will only have work next week, after that, sorry. have a nice weekend and all that fucking shit. that really stopped us. rest of the day consisted of swearing, going on a strike (we just sat around and cursed and planned the explosion of the warehouse....) and more swearing. i have a fucking week to find a new job. fuck yeah. talk about giving a notice early enough. i'm so screwed.
oh le sigh.

last night me and my dear went to borgbacken light carnival ^^ it was fun. cost a ton, but it was worth it. i wasted a lot of money on candy but ehehehh that's just something you gotta do when you're at LINTSI right ?? D__D
i think i should change into running clothes and go out. for a few hours atleast. hmm, i'd like to find a new place to run at. i've pretty much been though every part of ruskeasuo and central park. and i definitely am not running on asphalt and/or cityarea. i need the nature. it just seems i'll need to go further than before. maybe take a train and run from some station to some another ? who knows ! the weather is killing good and i'm fat and i've eaten like a pig and i feel disgusting so i need to move. if only the goddamn batteries of the mp3-player would charge themselfs a bit fasteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer. can't go running without music.

i have been DYING for a real rave for about a week now. and it REALLY doesn't help that i'm listening to tiësto and stuff like that xD shit, why isn't there anything super interesting and (preferably) cheap on klubitus....

when i get a little scared

back @ herushinki. mah girl is at work and oh well. i'm lagging... i should take a shower but i'm too lazy. i should unpack all our stuff put i'm too lazy. gosh i'm so lazy. since i woke up i've been eating. lots. besides that all i've done is put this comp on working stage again and ummm smoked one cig ? fail.
must put on some clothes and head to city center. visit ma dear at her work place (buy one gummy bear at time and buy a zillion, always take her cashregisterline XD) and jump by some fleamarkets. need new jeans and some shoes.
fuck i look like shit.
the traintrip back here yesterday was... draining. but it cleaned up the air and my head. i was really tempted to shout at this one rocker dude who sat across the isle next to us and kept staring all the time. like "HAVEN'T YOU SEEN A PERSON WEEPING HER/THEIR EYES OFF BEFORE ???? FUCK OFF" dude, really. if i cry, i'll cry and i don't care who sees it. christ i've changed when it comes to that... but that gyu, he was just annoying.
CLOTHES. NOW. ON. BITCH. U SUCK.

my wrist hurts like no tomorrow...

oh yeah ! it's my birthday today :D and satoshi's too XD woohoo. we're getting olderrr~~

so in the end i'll be what i will be

i weight now more than i have in oh dunno, the past fucking half a year ?! how fucking disgusting. thank god i know a few pounds of that are just the mere amount of pizza i ate. we made 2 of them and my god they were full of grease xD 1 kg of creamcheese we used and fillings, oh so much of them. good good it was, yes, but oh so fatty. nasty fat fat fat. we hates it, oh how we hates it, precioussss, yes we does *gollum voice*

heard some from my dear. what a time to be texting with someone, 4 am here and 10 am there. weird. and how weird it is that i seem to need her more and more, and i miss her even more now that she is so far away. miles miles miles, how much they put weight on things.

later today i really need to go for a run. hopefully aiski-shi's running shoes could be borrowed and would fit me.

oh and we watched x-men 3. gahaha it was nice.

gonna go to sleep now. put alarm to 9 am, maybe i can actually open my eyes and maybe catch her when she comes online...

you are lost, you can never go home

for fucks sake why the hell can't i get to livejournal !!!!! stoopid thing just redirects me to some http://www.quantcast.com/ page P___P cruel.
but this being the case i think i have to write here then... hmmm. how do i feel now ? surprisingly serene. it's kinda weird to be hanging here alone (well not really, since T-chan is in the other room). and at the same it's not weird. feels similar to be hanging in my own ap. maybe because i spend almost as much time there and here, and always with her... and then a day after she leaves i just sit in front of the comp alone. weird.
i just hope our homeland ruksu doesn't mind me being here too much. she woke me up today, visiting the fridge and informing that folks are coming over this afternoon and she's going to make some noise aka use the vacuumcleaner. so i gets up. and comes here. i think i should maybe head out soon ? to be outta the way, you know. gagagaga.
hmmgh. yesterday, after seeing my precioussss to the bus taking them to the airport, i hanged around the town for a while. visited some sales, found nothing except these pants *-* the comfiest pants EVER. and they're "only" 30 e... should i buy them or not ? i could use that money on something else. and i'd probably need it for something else. ah shit. i hardly ever use any other type pants than jeans (to public places that is) so these would be a welcome change, Y/N ? decisions decisions.

today it's not as hot as it was yesterday. so probably no going to beach/tanning. that elvenmountain is still calling meeee.... and i should get together with aiski, to plan our trip to come later this month i think. maybe i should SMS her.

sweet tapdancing jesus, it surely shows on my face and body that i ate a bag of tortillachips yesterday :D ONLY 490 kcal per 100 grams and the pack was 400 grams. LARD. i'd so need a run. but. don't have my runningstuff. girl said i could use her stuff, but i'm not sure where i could find that said stuff, and can't be bothered to dig around her closets. oh le sigh. the problems of being lazy.
but atleast my hair is not so kulahtanut anymore. mah girl dyed it yesterday, i'm back in black, bitches ! over a year it has been, yes it has, preciousss~~

oh well i shall get dressed and try to get a hold on someone. to hang with.

//EDIT: so i need to leaveee~~ the coming peeps are gonna stay the night and use mah girls bed. hopefully they are authorised xD T-chan just left to get them from maybe railwaystation dunno, so i have a while to get my shit together and be gone ! YO DUDES CAN I COME TO GOA ??? if not then i think i'm gonna have to leave herushinki for now... but yap damn answer ur sms's and nora please come back from that busy statuuuus~~