when i get a little scared

back @ herushinki. mah girl is at work and oh well. i'm lagging... i should take a shower but i'm too lazy. i should unpack all our stuff put i'm too lazy. gosh i'm so lazy. since i woke up i've been eating. lots. besides that all i've done is put this comp on working stage again and ummm smoked one cig ? fail.
must put on some clothes and head to city center. visit ma dear at her work place (buy one gummy bear at time and buy a zillion, always take her cashregisterline XD) and jump by some fleamarkets. need new jeans and some shoes.
fuck i look like shit.
the traintrip back here yesterday was... draining. but it cleaned up the air and my head. i was really tempted to shout at this one rocker dude who sat across the isle next to us and kept staring all the time. like "HAVEN'T YOU SEEN A PERSON WEEPING HER/THEIR EYES OFF BEFORE ???? FUCK OFF" dude, really. if i cry, i'll cry and i don't care who sees it. christ i've changed when it comes to that... but that gyu, he was just annoying.
CLOTHES. NOW. ON. BITCH. U SUCK.

my wrist hurts like no tomorrow...

oh yeah ! it's my birthday today :D and satoshi's too XD woohoo. we're getting olderrr~~

do the "i love you"

hmm over ten days since i last updated. oh well, most peeps who i know are reading this blog already know that i've been staying at Goa since 18th day. i was really sick for most of the first week here... but i'm mostly okay now ^^ i started working at kataja event/evening service on thursday last week. it's been fun ! and my wrist isn't killing me, yet atleast. i have lost weight, aiski-shi's jeans are hardly staying up when i walk xD i'm glad thought that i have lost weight, and gotten fit. muscles, muscles, i love theeeeem~~~ all the things there i've been trying to fit in my head have caused me some stress and feeling stupid, useless even. but i'm getting there. today i left in my first workhourlist, 7 days of salary i shall await. and on monday i'll get the workclothes, finally. and no orders anywhere, yet. happyyyy !
aisuki is not here today, and wasn't at work, either. she had her wisdom tooth removed and left to lahti before i even got "home"...
agh i'm dying for some salty greasy lardy stuff... and candy x____x *death*

oh well. my brains fell on off mode. can't write anything more. i know i had something i wanted to get out of my system. fuck this. i'll go get a lonkero from the balcony.

i know that it's killing me, and it's poisoning the best of me

how much luck can one person have. my over a week lasting headache exploded on saturday, leaving me needing a visit to hospital... i got medicines which cost a fortune. and sickleave. the doctor thought that it's not a good idea if go to work on monday. and NOW i agree with her, hence the fact that i woke up few hours ago to a feeling of PAIN. my head hurt, my eyes hurt, my airways were feeling blocked and i had sweat the sheets and my t-shirt all wet. nice. so i popped the antibiotics in my mouth and some pain killers and headed to soak myself in boiling hot shower for half an hour. it helped to get some of the slime residing in my lungs and ontelotvity to come out... ah shit i still need to pack up all the stuff i will need since i'm not coming back to kotka that soon. and i need to and visit some offices and my apartment to get bills and stuff out. fucking hell.
oh yeah, as if it isn't all too cheery already: i think i broke my toe yesterday 8) the little toe of my right foot, it's been broken a number of times before so it's nothing new. but it hurts xD i rule the art of FAIL.

in the sudden rain, although you stop again, you still believe in me

i am fucking coming to herushinki on sunday and starting the job on monday. holy shit. things are moving so fast P___P i was thinking that the job would possibly start on the 25th earliest .D not that i'm complaining too much, just need to try and be extra good and efficient on monday and wednesday. monday it's GB Gym martial arts show at 6 pm. bohoho why can't it be 7 pm. and on wednesday my girl lands on the surface of finland 6:10 pm. gyahaha. times times times. oh shit i think i'll be SO fucking beat after the first week 8D thank heavens i have aiski-shi as my sensei there ^^ she'll teach me everything i need to know about that job. she better not be quitting there too soon, no leaving me alone >8( BUT WORK MEANS MONEY AND IN THIS CASE IT MEANS LOTS OF MONEY. just need to check my taxes. the percent and all, i really have no idea at all how that works. i hope i won't have to make too many calls and fill too much papers. damn i hate papers. i hate byrocracy (or how the fuck you spell it dun care). ah shit i can't find that tax paper. shit. gotta search hard. tomorrow's going to be hectic. gotta run to a office after office. shit. shit. shit. AND FUCK YEAH XDDDDDDDDD

okay. i'm shaking. you guys should have seen me when aiski-shi called me. i was fucking sparkling :DD this silly grin still finds it's way to my face. god i love that girl SO MUCH !

today still to stables, ride with lulubell. maybe some dressage. hopefully that biatch won't start jumping on my face, i don't want anything to ruin my mood now that it's up for a change ^^

oh yeah, me and marji kinda agreed that we're going to go and shake our asses next weeks weekend. partyyyyy it is y/y ? maybe xD

i see the traps that stand in my way, i'll use my head to make it through

i'm so on fire abt the thought of getting to train mma style ! this place, GB Gym has it ALL ! getting to train there will require me moving to helsinki and getting a decent paying job. which can all be arranged quite easily actually. goddamnit i'm fucking buuuurning~~~~ thought at first i'm gonna start maybe kickboxing or muay thai, and keep watching how they train the vapaaottelu. get in shape and all first xD but LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEE<33333

this needs a pic !
here u goo !


me wants ! most likely i will have to get the possible hipsurgery done first, but... blah !

off to stables now, i'm out !

we walk amongst you, feeding, raping

uh STILL @ goa. i was thinking abt leaving today but WHUT it seems i'm not going anywhere yet. fucking too lazy to move it seems. aiski-shi's friend comes by six pmish to drop some stuff of hers. after that me and nora are supposedly leaving to see if there's anything interesting going on at ropecon xD first time to see that, for me. waiting anxiously.
need to contact tiina soon too. need to go and pick up my girl's keys from their ap. yeah. gonna be here when she returns. definitely<3
today we've been lusting for some good larp. vampires, preferably atm. love love love.

ugh should make myself look like a human. walking out of the door would be more nice like that, maybe.

i remember all of your dreams

still @ goa. sorta missed my workinterview to kotka's mcdonald's. i'm not sure i care.
days have been... well, what the days often here are :D tomorrow i'm probably going back to kotka, or friday morning maybe. missing my fillyjay terribly.
now me & norbax are gonna take off and head to town centre and buy some artstuff she's dying to get.

np. RUN - SHINHWAAAAAAAAAAA ;;_________;;<333333333

you are lost, you can never go home

for fucks sake why the hell can't i get to livejournal !!!!! stoopid thing just redirects me to some http://www.quantcast.com/ page P___P cruel.
but this being the case i think i have to write here then... hmmm. how do i feel now ? surprisingly serene. it's kinda weird to be hanging here alone (well not really, since T-chan is in the other room). and at the same it's not weird. feels similar to be hanging in my own ap. maybe because i spend almost as much time there and here, and always with her... and then a day after she leaves i just sit in front of the comp alone. weird.
i just hope our homeland ruksu doesn't mind me being here too much. she woke me up today, visiting the fridge and informing that folks are coming over this afternoon and she's going to make some noise aka use the vacuumcleaner. so i gets up. and comes here. i think i should maybe head out soon ? to be outta the way, you know. gagagaga.
hmmgh. yesterday, after seeing my precioussss to the bus taking them to the airport, i hanged around the town for a while. visited some sales, found nothing except these pants *-* the comfiest pants EVER. and they're "only" 30 e... should i buy them or not ? i could use that money on something else. and i'd probably need it for something else. ah shit. i hardly ever use any other type pants than jeans (to public places that is) so these would be a welcome change, Y/N ? decisions decisions.

today it's not as hot as it was yesterday. so probably no going to beach/tanning. that elvenmountain is still calling meeee.... and i should get together with aiski, to plan our trip to come later this month i think. maybe i should SMS her.

sweet tapdancing jesus, it surely shows on my face and body that i ate a bag of tortillachips yesterday :D ONLY 490 kcal per 100 grams and the pack was 400 grams. LARD. i'd so need a run. but. don't have my runningstuff. girl said i could use her stuff, but i'm not sure where i could find that said stuff, and can't be bothered to dig around her closets. oh le sigh. the problems of being lazy.
but atleast my hair is not so kulahtanut anymore. mah girl dyed it yesterday, i'm back in black, bitches ! over a year it has been, yes it has, preciousss~~

oh well i shall get dressed and try to get a hold on someone. to hang with.

//EDIT: so i need to leaveee~~ the coming peeps are gonna stay the night and use mah girls bed. hopefully they are authorised xD T-chan just left to get them from maybe railwaystation dunno, so i have a while to get my shit together and be gone ! YO DUDES CAN I COME TO GOA ??? if not then i think i'm gonna have to leave herushinki for now... but yap damn answer ur sms's and nora please come back from that busy statuuuus~~

where once was light now darkness falls

so now i'm here, at my girl's place. don't know where i'll go when she leaves for japan... maybe back to kotka ? gah dunno.
fuck i'm balding ! my left temple doesn't grow hair properly.... sniiiiiiiiiif. viil viil viil. in other ways too i'm having a huge hair crisis xD fail. the biggest problem is should i dye my hair black or go lighter again. gah. i know i'll get fucking tired of lighter tones all too soon. but......... it's hecka easier to manage. you know, not so much worrying abt roots and stuff... but black ! issues, issues, oh the issues. i always have issues. about one thing or another, more serious or lighter in sense. and they really don't get solved... oh le sigh.

oh well. we're going to sleep soon... mah girl needs to get up in a few hours so. yap yap.

life is hell.
i would like to write down my feelings about the days i spent in helsinki, since a lot happened, but i'm too tired. it's fucking draining, you know ? to constantly be on the breaking point.
ah fuck this, i've got my long drink, tortilla chips, candy and the ultimate fighter. i'm a happy fucker for few hours.

voi muna

tahon nyt kirjottaa suomeks koska aivot EI TOIMI !

... mie en tiiä ! uskaltauduin viimeinki laittaa viestii raunille, kesti homokauan psyykkaa itteni siihen, koska en vaan KEHTAA 8( plus en mie vittu tiiä haluuko ihmiset et ees tulisin hesaan, kun en oo bilerintamaan tunkees kuitenkaa. mie en tiiä perkele mitää. väyläski asiat vaa oli sellast yhy syyllistävää sävyy ja pilkunnussintaa ko ei ollu vakiotyöntekijät paikal ollenkaa vaa jouduin sokeltaa joillee jotka näin tyylii ekaa kertaa sil konsertti matkal ja ARGH VITTU. sekavaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. mut ainaki tuli selväks et hei mun raha-asiat kusee rankast ja ne tulee vaan kusemaan lisää. siispä... *selaa mollii* JOTAIN KIITOSHH ELÄMÄ.
tahon juua. lagaa mimbsanpimbsan kans telkun ees ja pelaa pleikkaa ja kirjottaa seikkaluu ja lipittää jotaa "limuu" ja röhöttää tyhmille (read: laadukkaille) jutuille. laatu is us. always.
tai ehk oikeesti vaan jään lagaa kotkaa ja vithy homehun palasiks ja löllöilen ympäriinsä. niinku se vihree öggö digimon joka heittelee liilaa paskaa, mikäs se oli, NUMEMON ! joo. miun tulevaisuus. muahaha.

HABL HABL JA MUUTA KAKKAA >8OO

//EDIT: HABL HABL ! keräkkää miulle kolehti et pääsen naistenbileisii ;____; olis ehk just sen verran täpäkkää mut ehk tahdon syädä jotain vkl :D ITKU POTKU RAIVARI.

HABL HABL !

ainii. i present to you: MY FUTURE !

there will be no clapping ! >8O

kuin on oikeesti mahdollista että kahtena päivänä peräkkäin päädyn kalastamaan samaa irti juoksevaa hevosta tallin mailta ???? :D toissapäivänä lulu tuli aidasta läpi kun jätin sen odottamaan että haen ensin vilin ja suvin. sit se paineli mukanamme tallille, onneks seuras ihan rauhallisesti eikä lähten sutii minnekää. ja sit eilen! otin suvin eka sisään kun v+l ei jaksaneet vielä liikkuu toisest päästä laitsaa... ja sit otin vilin kiinni, avasin portin ja koitin nappaa lulua, joka häseltäessään (ahnehtiessaan onko mulla herkkuja..) tökkäs turpansa sähkölankaan ja sai tietysti kamalan paskalaagin ja kiiteli micron ja maijan luokse. ei ees antannu kiinni kun henna koitti tarjota leipää, eeei kun sekin antaa varmasti tällin. nutipäääää. onneks se meni taas nätisti talliin :D SIGH.

okay just had to rant that in finnish, because my verbal expression is very limited right now, i fail.
there's a change i could come to helsinki tomorrow, since on the route to vihti we go along kehä 3 supposedly, so when we're like coming back i could jump of the truck and come hang there. just hang because i definitely have no money to party. just don't know if i want to ruin my girl's weekend like that. heck i don't even know would she choose party over me :DD fuck this.

i'm bloated like no tomorrow. the painkillers i got from the doc on monday, well i seem to be allergic to them or something, because the fluids started gathering on my body during already the first night ! yuckh. sucks, because i'd really need some painkillers. my hand is hurting like hell all the time and it's swollen... stoopid.
what else... hmm, i wonder should this blog be one of limited viewing... nah too lazy. to care. blah.
gonna go and run around the city for a few hours today, gotta get some things arranged.
AND FUCK I STILL DON'T KNOW IF I'LL SELL THE MIYAVI TICKET OR NOT !!!!!!!!!!!!! >___<

.... sigh.