we are lost, we can never go home

yesterday i was mentally kicking myself within 15 minutes from arriving to goa. for a while it was ok, but then, well... i fucking don't feel like i have a place there and frankly, i don't think i even want that. i'm sick of all the commune life, it just doesn't do any good to me. it's all fun and love for few days or a week or something, but not more. fuck i need an apartment. soon. fucking hell.
PLUS: today at work was very chill, no hurry at all, but i still felt like shit. my head has been spinning the whole day, my vision keeps blurring, my nose is stuffed and my throat hurts. gaah. i think i'm really sick now. whoops. too bad that i can't afford to take days off =)) fuck yeah. a new guy started today too, this some fruittari/amis kinda dude called tomppa. he's ok. boho i don't want eemeli to quit too soon ;____; he's such a darling x_x
but yeah. now i'm lagging at my girl's place and feeling like shit. and cursing that my goddamn salary hasn't come. and it probably won't before the end of the month =)))) fucking whee. must talk to mister mattila tomorrow about this, because i had a spoken agreement about my salary and it was supposed to be paid every two weeks. my bad that i was so goddamn tired and pöhnänen when i signed the damn workdeal that i didn't realize what it said about the payments. and now i'm just fucking pissed off. i'm basically broke =)) yay.
i think i need to lay down now. maybe watch telly or something and try to rest.

i see you, type of girl with the pearls and all, jewels and all

three and more nights in a row i lay awake 'till late morning hours. i usually am up to see the sun rise. some part of me awaits, just a little something to tell me... well yeah. i get nothing thought. except a mention in a writing, a fucking question. you know, you could have sent me an sms. or something more personal. ah fuck this.

yesterday my filly was as nice as ever<3 stupid micro had kicked her, there was a little wound and some warmth on her leg. so hose, our best friend, comes along and gives us cold water. today it's the shoeing day, dears get new boots on. also means a day off. i think i'll still go to evening. that bitch is going to be there too. i hope she'd keel over and... mwaahahahah.

damn i think i need to get extensions. to my (non-existant) sideburns at least and maybe something else. just wouldn't really like to use the old ones since it means me playing with that awful glue again xDD last time my fingers died. really.

i also need to dye my hair again soon... oh le sigh.

where once was light now darkness falls

so now i'm here, at my girl's place. don't know where i'll go when she leaves for japan... maybe back to kotka ? gah dunno.
fuck i'm balding ! my left temple doesn't grow hair properly.... sniiiiiiiiiif. viil viil viil. in other ways too i'm having a huge hair crisis xD fail. the biggest problem is should i dye my hair black or go lighter again. gah. i know i'll get fucking tired of lighter tones all too soon. but......... it's hecka easier to manage. you know, not so much worrying abt roots and stuff... but black ! issues, issues, oh the issues. i always have issues. about one thing or another, more serious or lighter in sense. and they really don't get solved... oh le sigh.

oh well. we're going to sleep soon... mah girl needs to get up in a few hours so. yap yap.