baby, did you forget to take your meds

i'm so confused and having all these mixed up feelings right now. all this mess with things is really taking it's toll on me. i haven't slept like really slept in weeks (heck, it might be a month already) and i'm hurting so bad all the time. being tired and sore makes me kinda moody and i've fought already a dozen times not to lose my temper and explode totally. i keep getting these violent flashes when i get angry, and i don't actually like it.
on the brighter side... well i might be getting a new job. just might. i really hope for the best. i'd make some decent money with that.
and tomorrow i need to go to kotka and clean my app. or actually now it's only the sorting and arranging and packing weekend. my stuff will be moved to the stable yard house, so i'm not totally screwed when it comes getting them somewhere before friday next week. i'll be heading back to kotka next too, maybe on thursday evening or friday, because then it's time for a complete cleaning of the app. i hate cleaning. but it's a must.

wine is good, by the way.

fuck i'm so in a mess right now. sigh, i'll just go and start cooking dinner. and drink more wine. peeling potatoes will be more hazard the more i drink. muahahah vittu.

we may rise and fall, but in the end we meet our fate together

still no salary. woohoo. and i saw mattila today couple of times, but he was either having a sales conversation or something as important on phone, or running to a meeting inside the office. and then when the meeting ended he flew out of the door before i could catch him. fooock. maybe i should call him, that should work xD
eemeli got the job ! hail and gongrats to him but it's still sorta sad that he leaves. if his meeting goes well tomorrow, he will start the job almost immediately and will never return to evening serviceeee ;____; then i'll be all alone with the ÄIJÄT and our new guy, tomppa. he listens to suomi rap... *death* ......... ok yeah. he's not that bad. but still, we seem to have nothing to talk about or in common. we just don't click, you know. i get along with eemeli and i got along with juho, ari and santtu too. and hugo x)) too bad they're all gone or leaving. fock. just gotta live with the fact that work isn't going to be so social anymore :D if only i'd just get that salaryyy........

i really need to take a shower now. and then off to visit the shop my girl is working at today. she ordered so. and she also told me to buy mysli and yoghurt. hoho. damn i have no munny. and no food. except that saaristolais leipä. damn it's good. but i can't live solely on that. and fuck. i really need the salary this week. need to get to kotkaaaaaa. fillyyyy oh how fucking much i miss her ;___;<3333333

you know what you are

been scanning some sites with apartment for rent. some nice have indeed popped up.. hmm hmm.
DAMN i've been so tired the whole day. i nearly fell asleep just while ago... sigh. must muster up some energy, we're going to visit town centrum and some food shop. hungry...
gah versus white wine is good...........javascript:void(0)

what's this life for

there are things i should work out today but i really don't feel like it. mostly because i want it to be just us... ah fuck, klock ticks too fast.
but hot damn, i got my work "uniform" today, finally >8DD evening service, thankfuckingyou. maybe if i'll get that contract too soon.
and ogh nora made soooo good food today. foooooooood is good. cheese and all.... mmm.
agh i'm so tired. should roll over and go to sleep. i'm not sure where i'll sleep... yeah.

in a way i just want scream FUCK YOU at the whole world. and then there's this part that wants to lay down and sleep away the days.