yeah, i get it, you're an outcast

over a week has passed since shinedown ! and i haven't written anything. damn.
negays. the gig. even thought i've read tons of people saying that it sucked, that they couldn't hear brent's singing, the crowd was dead (it was... mostly), well screw them ! i fucking loved that gig, and i'd go there ten times again ! i don't understand why people complain they didn't hear the singing. i heard brent loud and clear thorough the show, except for few moment when the crowd around me got too loud (not too loud in a bad way, no no). sure i admit the crowd was really stoic if comparing to most of the gigs i've been to but when you got closer to the stage, that's where the people where more alive. i moshed, jumped, sang, shouted and fucking was having so much fun there. i don't understand why peeps whine so much. shinedown fucking rocked ! i totally fell in love with that band and i can't wait to see them again (i read somewhere they might be coming back in the summer, for some festival, and if not, then in the autumn<3). come back soon guys...
and now i'm royally sick again. still. yeah, still is the right word. i have been sick since december, for fucks sake. this sucks major ass. and i'm deadly afraid i'll get fired because i'm sick so often... well really, if i do get fired, well then that's that. something will always come up.
oh and fucking yay. i just might be getting to see metallica this summer ! sonisphere is this new hard rock festival thingy that tours atleast europe and miiitallicaaa is headlining that thing *__*<3 and they have a show scheduled to 25th of july, in pori. tickets come on sale on monday next week. they cost a ton but i fucking have to have that. i fucking want to see metallica. like, really.
ah fuck. i really need to go to sleep. i haven't slept a single full night since wednesday last week... just a few crappy hours here and there. sucks.

but me, i like sleeping

"it feels so nice to have your girl's warm back against your hurting one" that's something i thought last night when i was really in pain and trying to fall a asleep. she was so warm and nice<3
but still i'm so tired it's not even possible with 10 hrs of sleep. i blame this cough. gotta wake up now, damnit ! i need to be out of the door something 2 pmish. must get to mims's 3pmish. and then we're off to the harborrrr. i wish i had a million to spend, so this cruise wouldn't feel so difficult in a way. i.e. i have to really watch what i buy and eat. damn, i don't even have any kruunor yet. do i need those ? i don't know. on my bank's webpages it says that i can use this card abroad too. it just costs more. so i might not need the kroonorna at all. i don't know yet, must consult mims & juube when i get there. but hey ! i'm finally crossing finland's borders, damnit ! fucking 22 years it took. heheheh.
and damn i had almost forgotten the gig on sunday: shinedown. it was something that was decided really randomly, like: "let's go see shinedown, they have this one good song and that's the only one i've heard. here, listen" "hey, that's really good. yeah, let's go see them!" so nora bought the tickets and we're going. whoops. i still haven't heard more music from them than this one album, but it's good, so the gig must be good too :D the talk abt shinedown says that they're a great live band, so i'm counting on that. too bad that the volbeat gigs are sold out (i think?), they would've been another band i'd be interested in seeing live.
fuck i should jump up offa mah fat ass and pack. clock's ticking illegally fast again today. my bag's going to be so full of meds and stuff like that....

i'm a leading man, and the lies i weave are oh so intricate

2:20 pm doctor's appointment. before that (preferably) a visit to dear finnish bureaucracy offices. i don't have a fucking glue how i'll survive the next month. somehow i will, thought, i always do.

i didn't mention it here yet, but i got a new carehorse. i haven't seen the mare yet, nor her owner, but i talked with her (the owner) on the phone (she called me on friday morning) and she sounded surprisingly nice. considering the fact that this indeed the capital city area and the riders and horse owners here are mostly creamassed fancy bitches. and she made it sound like she's already decided that i will be her new horse trustee. i don't mind. the horse in question is a 5 years old mare, training in crosscountry, and her owner told she is a real mare, aka a true woman ;D sounds just like the horses i usually best get along with. so this should be interesting. the horse is moving to a new stable, 8 km or something from here, on january 31st, and i'm going to go and meet her on feb 2nd. i can't wait ! it's super nice to finally find a horsey around here too, because i always miss my dearest filly so much, and being around horses in general. and stable this mare will be living at is not even some capital city area creamass huge fancy sticks-in-our-asses-stable. it's a small one, just 6 places or so. and it's on the better side of ring III <333 forests, fields<33 i'm gonna be in heaven. no, i'm not allowed to ride with the mare, atleast not yet. maybe in the future the owner will let me take her beauty for little forest walks or something *_* the owner also told that her friend has a horse at that stable too, so if i'd be interested in having a second care horse, that's mighty happening. well we shall see how this goes.

boy that was some fucking messy writing... feel free to ask if i was totally unclear and/or making no sense at all.
i should fucking jump to the shower already and start walking. i feel sort of stupid going to the doctor now that i'm already feeling better (i think the puventol, which is this astmamedicine, my mom gave me helped to get my breathing not so blocked and the yesterdays high fever might have worked again to burn away the disease), but i really need to get some sick leave from work, since i'm definitely not in shape to push myself physically. see, i'm trying to be smart and wise about this, for once !
tomorrow would be the cruise to stockholm. i need to sms mims about it, i don't know if it would be fair for her and juube if go along and either cough my lungs out the whole nights and they get no sleep, or even worse, i give them this disease too. now that wouldn't be too nice, would it ? and i don't even know how stupid it would be healthwise to go on a cruise now xD heck, it might go so that i'll end up getting hugely seasick and vomiting my insides out the whole trip. i really have no idea what my body will say, since i've never been on cruise before. that's one more reason i'd really like to go. if i still feel as mellow as i do now in the evening then i probably will go. it's not like i will excersize my ass off there, no sir. my first thought was that damn, i wish the sky would be clear and moon would be up and the sea would be calm so i could spend time on the deck and smoke and listen to some music and marvel the beauty of it all. some might call that lame. most people seem to go on cruises just to get shitfaced. i mean come on, you can very well do that on land. and it's cheaper that way too. but hey, whatever floats their boats. no pun there.

okay this entry just got a bit out of hand (lenghtwise). i wonder if anyone will read the whole scrapledoo. ah fuck time flies. too fast. and my head hurts. sigh.

i am an armsdealer, fitting you with weapons in the form of words

my whole body hurts, i'm coughing so hard i can't even sleep and there's nothing wrong with me =) thank you finnish healthcare. you suck. apparently it's nothing if a person can't breath properly, pulse is racing over hundred per minute... according to that i'm just imagining this. there's nothing wrong with me. yay. too bad that i know my body, and something's not right now. i need to go and visit the closest health center today. i'm just not sure if it's even open (it says on their doors that they're open 24/7 but they weren't open yesterday, so...) and calling is useless, that only works on weekdays. i seriously don't wanna go back to that same place i was last night. maybe i'll go to maria or something, maybe they'd be a little more fucking interested in the health of someone. ah fuck, this all just makes me feel so paranoid, like if i am really imagining this all :D you know, i HATE going to hospitals and seeing doctors. mainly because it always leads to me trying to fight them to understand that something is wrong. and because it ALWAYS goes like that i usually wait for ages in case the whatever would go away by itself (and usually it works) and only go to see a doctor if i'm really feeling bad. or someone else (usually mom...) beats me to going in. i'm a stubborn bastard, yeah i know, but that's just how i like things. i don't want to ask for help, i absolutely despise being dependant. i have a hate issue here it seems.
i should leave already and try to find a doctor. too bad that search will most likely take me hours and tons of miles... bleaargh.

how about a hell yeah ?

the first entry on the mighty year 2009. yay.
i'm still a little sick, but off to work i go today. can't afford to be off anymore. shit, i hope i'll get my salary soon, because, uh, the rent ??? and i'm running out of cigs.
fuck yeah, and so on.

it's been ages since i last listened to sendai kamotsu, and just now i had most overpowering feeling that i MUST hear gay school XD buahahaha i love this band ! and i still very very very much want to cosplay them 8)) oh yeaaaaassssssss...

i drank a bit too much yesterday. i wasn't throwing up or anything, but holy fuck i sure felt like doing so xD this is just a proof that i drink wayyy too little these days 8( my tolerance has dropped like a ton of bricks ! boohoo ! ok, it's not so bad, drinking gets cheaper. if not counting the fact that i felt sick as hell, i had a blast yesterday. it's been way too long since i hanged out with mah girls like this, drinking, lagging, talking shit. nice nice nice. must do more often, yes yes.

the furet xl is coming home next week ! yay ! then ratties maybe before christmas, if we take some of tahmatassu's kittens *__*<3 gagagaga little teeny ratties ;________;

ok. i need to do something. damn that it gets dark so soon, it would've been nice to head towards elvenmountain x-x
agh anni found some old shinhwa cd's while digging my stuff and now we're listening to only one. gah it's been ages since i listened to shinhwa, too ! *shakes ass* bohohoho good old loser times with mims....