but me, i like sleeping

"it feels so nice to have your girl's warm back against your hurting one" that's something i thought last night when i was really in pain and trying to fall a asleep. she was so warm and nice<3
but still i'm so tired it's not even possible with 10 hrs of sleep. i blame this cough. gotta wake up now, damnit ! i need to be out of the door something 2 pmish. must get to mims's 3pmish. and then we're off to the harborrrr. i wish i had a million to spend, so this cruise wouldn't feel so difficult in a way. i.e. i have to really watch what i buy and eat. damn, i don't even have any kruunor yet. do i need those ? i don't know. on my bank's webpages it says that i can use this card abroad too. it just costs more. so i might not need the kroonorna at all. i don't know yet, must consult mims & juube when i get there. but hey ! i'm finally crossing finland's borders, damnit ! fucking 22 years it took. heheheh.
and damn i had almost forgotten the gig on sunday: shinedown. it was something that was decided really randomly, like: "let's go see shinedown, they have this one good song and that's the only one i've heard. here, listen" "hey, that's really good. yeah, let's go see them!" so nora bought the tickets and we're going. whoops. i still haven't heard more music from them than this one album, but it's good, so the gig must be good too :D the talk abt shinedown says that they're a great live band, so i'm counting on that. too bad that the volbeat gigs are sold out (i think?), they would've been another band i'd be interested in seeing live.
fuck i should jump up offa mah fat ass and pack. clock's ticking illegally fast again today. my bag's going to be so full of meds and stuff like that....

i know that it's killing me, and it's poisoning the best of me

how much luck can one person have. my over a week lasting headache exploded on saturday, leaving me needing a visit to hospital... i got medicines which cost a fortune. and sickleave. the doctor thought that it's not a good idea if go to work on monday. and NOW i agree with her, hence the fact that i woke up few hours ago to a feeling of PAIN. my head hurt, my eyes hurt, my airways were feeling blocked and i had sweat the sheets and my t-shirt all wet. nice. so i popped the antibiotics in my mouth and some pain killers and headed to soak myself in boiling hot shower for half an hour. it helped to get some of the slime residing in my lungs and ontelotvity to come out... ah shit i still need to pack up all the stuff i will need since i'm not coming back to kotka that soon. and i need to and visit some offices and my apartment to get bills and stuff out. fucking hell.
oh yeah, as if it isn't all too cheery already: i think i broke my toe yesterday 8) the little toe of my right foot, it's been broken a number of times before so it's nothing new. but it hurts xD i rule the art of FAIL.

an understanding, it's impossible

i finally got to finish reading this fic ---> Silent Hill (scroll down a few entries, it's there) and damn i loved it. the author had finished it too, since i last checked the page. i liked her writing a lot... makes me want to drown in to a world that's not even there. it would be so much easier just to try and keep going, killing everything that comes in your way, constantly fighting to stay alive and make it to the next day.

i decided to try with the pills again. can't take the pressure on/in my chest anymore. it's almost like i feel too much and my body just can't cope with it. i feel like i need to move and do things, or else i'll choke or just simply crumble down in pieces.

off for now, to smoke and well, maybe do some push ups and stuff.