i'm the 45 that's in your mouth, i'm a dirty, dirty whore

oh boy what wonderful hmm 4 days i've had. last wednesday i went straight from stables to nora's place and after that i've been with her almost nonstop, excluding abt 7 hrs on thursday when i had work. after work i just quickly visited home, cleaned the ratties, took a shower and was off again. damn, i haven't been so drunk in fucking ages. literally shitfaced. and that was fucking great. yesterday was a hangover day, not surprising really. still was a great day, we just lagged and ate like pigs. that (eating like pigs) was something we also started on wednesday. fattyfattylardyfood. fucking good, and needed, because that's something we're not gonna be able to do in a very very fucking long time. drinking's also that kind of thing. i think i'm gonna cut way back on my drinking from now on. and really consider atleast smoking less. trying to be a little healthier.
the weather outside is deadly beautiful and i so fucking dun want to go to the batcave (as me & big D started calling our work place some unholy saturday or something...). days like this should be spent outdoors. enjoying the sun and the summery feel in the air. i hope tomorrow brings another beautiful day.
now down some coffee, and off i go.

there's a dirty needle in your child, haha, stick me

hi just popping by to say that SUMMER COME FUCKING FASTER. i'm on a huge gig mood (shinedown, plz come back guys) and fucking can't wait to see met ! there's girugamesh gig abt a month from now, but i don't think that 'll help me with my gig fever, because well i'm a bit over j-bands. and the fans, oh the fucking disgusting fans. i'll just have to get drunk for that gig. but ! anygays. summer. drinking. warm. sun. outdoors. friends. getting drunk. gigs.

and i wanna go to the u.s. bay area, it's fucking calling me so bad. neone wanna biff me few 1000 euros.

bang on the snaredrum. nobody laughs.

i'm so in love with rorschach. seriously. killer. wtf.
and my skin is so dry it feels like it's cracking up.
i'm going to kotka on monday. go my workshift changed to morning one, so i can start my "journey" already after 3pm. which is nothing but good.
why the fuck am i even still awake.
i should be sleeping.
i have work at 11am TODAY.
and i'm drunk.
i'm gonna die.
no really.

i really should go to sleep.

you're feeding your ego with what you can see outside

OLIPA VITTU PÄIVÄ =)))
just had to get that out. 9 hrs and fuck i'm so dead. why the fuck thursdays must be the beginning of weekend hectics ? gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. and i fucking was right to think that atleast one machine will blow up while i'm alone there ! FUCKING RIGHT. today's food saldo is two portions of cheesemacaronistuff, 2 cheeseburgers, apple... bah and it wasn't too much at all. to make this work thing even more cheery... one of my co-workers called in sick, so me and pellikka are pulling a heavy friday night tomorrow, and my saturday's shift got 3 hrs longer. lovely.
but. tomorrow i have a early rise. we're off to fleamarket hopping with nora. can't wait ^^ just hope the weather is decent. like sunshine, maybe ? and on saturday, after i've died a thousand deaths at work (not) we're off to this 80s party. my brains are overflowing already with thoughts and ideas abt what i'm gonna wear, how i'm gonna do my hair and maybe makeup. too bad that i dyed my hair already, the peroxide blonde would've been ideal. but i'll live. because it's FUCKING 80S PARTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH ! i've been drooling over one for over 2 years now, and that's fucking too long. because 80s is love.
also. it appears i can't afford to go to kotka at all this month. it's gonna have to wait 'till next payday. this kinda sucks, because i miss filly and the kitties and sloughi. but well. i'll live :D i'll just work hard and go riding with takku. heehehee that's another thing i can hardly wait ! i'm going to hop on that horse's back on sunday *__* and after that i'm probably gonna go and have a ride with her every wednesday and friday. bhihbibhibhi forestridinggg<3 wants !

now. i should hop hop and go to lilluskel to the tub and soak myself clean. would sooth my sore muscles maybe.

fucking burger king

aah. i survived the cruise, alive and well ! didn't get seasick, didn't get drunk, my cabinmates didn't get TOO drunk... and sweden was nice. i mean like the old town. gallerian and the other stuff weren't so inspiring for me (there were shops i would have liked to buy few things from but...). the walkstreet thingy had it's pretty parts (some random little shops in pretty buildings) but all in all i enjoyed the old town much more. which is not at all surprising. i love even the old parts of porvoo, so it's obvious that i will love every old town parts i go to. the conclusion being this: cruises aren't really my cup of tea. i really liked being on that ship, hanging on the deck and wathing the dark ocean<3 but the time spent on foreign land is too short. i.e. cruises aren't for me :D at least not in the way most people seem to like them (get shitfaced, be hangover while going to the other land... etc). i'd like to go and spend atleast a few whole days on ground of for example sweden. the cruiseship is a nice way to get across the sea here, that i don't mind. six hours just isn't enough for me. all in all i liked the cruise (i think i should write down more about it, but i'm too tired now) and this helped me realize that no, i will not go on the cruise our company is arranging. it would be free and headed to tallinna, but i really don't want to go and spend 24 hrs with drunk people. it would be alright if i would have a private cabin or something so i would get to actually sleep, instead of trying to, while drunken workmates keep me awake. i will go on a cruise again, but it will be different then :D

baah maybe i'll write more when i've slept some. yeah.

and you want to know where the winds come from

whoops i drank a whole bottle of wine. or actually one and half. oops. i wasn't supposed to. i really didn't mean to :D but the food we made was so gooooood (minced meat crepes with cheese) and i ummm just happened to open the the second bottle while we were playing sims2.... oops. and i have to be at work by 12:30 pm. ho shit. now i'm gonna pop a pill in my mouth and head to bed. what sleeping schedule, never heard of it. i guess i'm just too damn stupid. but what the fuck really xD

anyone who ever stood in the light needs no explaining

i only write useless bits and pieces of thoughts these days. if i even write anything. sigh.
but yeah, saw aimo-mauri today, it's really been WAYYYY too long since the last time. we just hanged at skådespelare vääägen, with saana along, and yeah :D it was nice. tomorrow i shall go to work and die (hopefully not), and after i've died i shall catch a train and head to goa. drinking and lagging with nora, that's the plan for the evening/night. yeah.

so as i said, useless bits and pieces ! that's almost like my life xD

free to speak my mind anywhere

i want some fucking booze.

//edit: i fucking missed alko by some fucking 3 minutes. how fucking sad. so instead staying sober, i head to s-market and buy... BEER. seriously, i fucking hate beer. except corona, and even that i can drink like one bottle at time. but, alas, here is where hippu (WTF THEY HAVE WEBPAGES) comes in: i go there too broke to buy anything else but beer. and i ain't fucking drinking some lappari. so i buy foster's. geez, it's actually good. or maybe i'm just becoming so alcoholic i don't care anymore what i drink. i still won't drink red wine or rosé, no fucking way. *pops open teh beer can* ahhhhhhhhhhhh fuck yes. beer, you're my friend now. mmm-mmmh yes. muahahha.

someone get me a shirt like this:


christmas is coming, and haven't even noticed. so much for having fucking christmas-spirit. yeah.

but no one ever tells you that forever feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head

i smoke too much.
i drink too much.
and i don't really care.

ugh. i wish i had more booze.

remind me of what left is outlaw torn

both my wrist are fucked. whoopee fuck.

And now I wait my whole lifetime
For you
And now I wait my whole lifetime
For you

I ride the dirt I ride the tide
For you
I search the outside search inside
For you

To take back what you left me
I know I'll always burn to be
The one who seeks so I may find
And now I wait my whole lifetime

My Outlaw torn
My Outlaw torn
And I'm torn

So on I wait my whole lifetime
For you
So on I wait my whole lifetime
For you

The more I search the more my need
For you
The more I bless the more I bleed
For you

You make me smash the clock and feel
I'd rather die behind the wheel
Time was never on my side
So on I wait my whole lifetime


My Outlaw torn
My Outlaw torn
Yeah I'm Outlaw torn
And I'm torn

Hear me
And if I close my mind in fear
Please pry it open
See me
And if my face becomes sincere
Beware
Hold me
And when I start to come undone
Stitch me together
Save me
And when you see me strut
Remind me of what left this outlaw torn

Hear me
And if I close my mind in fear
Please pry it open
See me
And if my face becomes sincere
Beware
Hold me
And when I start to come undone
Stitch me together
Save me
And when you see me strut
Remind me of what left this outlaw torn

i FUCKING love this song. it's a true killer.

yeah we're of to parteeh :D

come crawling faster

ONKS PAKKO MENNÄ TÖIHIN JOS EI HALUU =)))

yeah just had get that off my "chest". no really, i dun wanna go to work. nooooooy sir no. i just wanna sit on my fat butt, watch met dvd and get shitfaced. no can do, should actually be running already. fuck, i'm supposed to visit alko before work. think i need to catch a train this time, no way i'm gonna make it if i'm walking... fucking hell. but i only have half a bottle of wine and that's not even close being enough. fucking whee.

shit, maybe i'll just finish this fucking entry when i actually have time.

the door cracks open but there's no sun shining through

it's times like these you learn to live again. bohoo foo fighters lyrics. but it's good. it's times like these i also am reminded of how frail this all is.
i just came back home from hippu (a bar/ restaurant near our house), after a nice hangout with some dude named kaapo and his friend juhis. kaapo bought me a tar-shot. damn it was good. i wanna go to ale or some place that's as cheap as it is and drink 'till my head shuts down completely. today i felt i wanted to drink so much i wouldn't even be able to stand up. but it was not possible, hence the fact that could only afford a beer and that combined with the wine i had drank earlier+ the shot kaapo bought me wasn't really enough to get me wasted. too bad. it would have been nice. the bad points of living so far from your friends = no-one to drink with and no place is open later than 2 am. k5-club (which is just a mile or so away from here) is open 'till 4 am, i think. but well... no munny.
that shot got my system wired up way too much. alcohol, my dear friend. lol. maybe i should just go to sleep ? i dunno.

dreams of war, dreams of liars, dreams of dragon fire

spent the saturday and sunday with borgir. i really had a blast, even thought we didn't really do anything special, just drank some booze, ate tons of fatty stuff and lagged front of the tv :D back to basics, i say !
yesterday when i was coming back home (or trying) the snowstorm had managed to fuck up the train traffic, so it was so so that the train even came... it was freezing and windy, and i was dying, but still i liked the weather. would have been a perfect weather to shoot a mv or something... hmmm.
moomi answered my mail, at last ! she doesn't have any grannyratties atm but a few will have babies during december and would possibly be in a need for a home in the beginning of the new year... i'm intrigued, definitely. must reply her when i have time and my brains are co-operating. now, i need to suck cafeine in my system and get ready to go. i have an interview with OPTEAM at 3pm. really couldn't care less. customerserving job is REALLY not my cup of tea, so to say. blaah. but i just need some kind of job, can't really afford to be too selective right now. fuck this shit, man.

gah.

hush little baby don't say a word
and never mind that noise you heard
it's just the beasts under your bed
in your closet and in your head

there's things inside without a care

whoopsie, so i got stuck sitting here 'till 2 am. reading a... *drumroll here* FANFIC XD like, how long has it been since that happened ? ages ! but it was a good fic. yeah. too bad i really wasn't able to fall asleep for maybe hours, booze and thoughts were running in my veins too fast, i guess. so now i'm awake and fucking cheery. and i just might be a little drunk still... hope i don't catch a bad "lasku" today. i usually don't when i wake up. buahahaha *hugo laughter*

ah shit it's chilly. inside the house and out too. i'm gonna freeze my ass here... thank heavens the job interview is at myrtsi, which is maybe a mile and a half from here. yeah.

today...... i don't know what happens today. we'll see.

plus, last night as i was rolling around and again thinking too much, i realised again how much i miss hanging out with whiskey. i don't know if she feels the same, but hell, i miss her. agh, i hope i get to properly spend time with her some day. yeah.

ah shit i should get ready to leave. can't be late. even if it's a complete SHIT of a job i'm applying for...

just as soon as i belong, then it's time i disappear

i'm dying for a really dark mood photoshoot. too bad that i'm not looking or feeling too photogenic right now. but still, a "professional" photoshoot would be cool. like makeup and all, lighting and so on. yeah.
what the fuck am i doing awake anyway, i have a job interview in what, 12 hours ? i should go to sleep, and definitely not be sitting here sipping wine (hardy's, it's really not THAT good, gato negro was way better...) and listening to metallica. definitely not xD but since when have i had brains ?
tomorrow, i think, i shall go to some gym and work my ass off. and swimming wouldn't do any harm either. my whole body is sore and stiff, and all this is not because i'd train too much, no no. it's because i have stopped any physical work i was having a routine with... must get back in shape. sometimes i disgust myself so much it hurts. most of the time i just push those thoughts back in my head and focus on something else. too bad that i have way too much time on my hands right now, since i'm still unemployed and well, do basically nothing during my awake hours. this all is really eating away the strength i had managed to gather up. too much, way too much time on my hands, way too much time to think. it's shit, you know ?

MAN do i wish i was born some decade and a half earlier than i was. oh the gorgeous 80s. too bad i'm too young to have lived those years the way i would've liked to.

i need boots.

it's been ages since i last listened to sendai kamotsu, and just now i had most overpowering feeling that i MUST hear gay school XD buahahaha i love this band ! and i still very very very much want to cosplay them 8)) oh yeaaaaassssssss...

i drank a bit too much yesterday. i wasn't throwing up or anything, but holy fuck i sure felt like doing so xD this is just a proof that i drink wayyy too little these days 8( my tolerance has dropped like a ton of bricks ! boohoo ! ok, it's not so bad, drinking gets cheaper. if not counting the fact that i felt sick as hell, i had a blast yesterday. it's been way too long since i hanged out with mah girls like this, drinking, lagging, talking shit. nice nice nice. must do more often, yes yes.

the furet xl is coming home next week ! yay ! then ratties maybe before christmas, if we take some of tahmatassu's kittens *__*<3 gagagaga little teeny ratties ;________;

ok. i need to do something. damn that it gets dark so soon, it would've been nice to head towards elvenmountain x-x
agh anni found some old shinhwa cd's while digging my stuff and now we're listening to only one. gah it's been ages since i listened to shinhwa, too ! *shakes ass* bohohoho good old loser times with mims....

and she said...

long time, no updates. been working HARD, been tired, and gah. and oh, waking up wwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaayyyy too early on few mornings (been staying at my girl's place, i have to be out of the door 20 minutes earlier than usual............). aiski-shi sorta quit at evening service today. sad. not good. i have to wake up EARLY alone and go to work alone. boohoo.
but YEAHHH. now i'm at my girl's place AGAIN. we're gonna leave soon, to make an appearance at a party of some friend of my girl. i hope to higher powers i'm not going to be the oldest person in there (ok, this friend's mom is there too but....) XD need to drink some more white wine<333
something again broke my line of thought and i forgot what i was going to write here... damn. but. leaving soon. muahhahahah *hugo laughter*

OH BTW FUCK I'VE GOT HUGE MUSCLES !!!!!!! XDDDDDDDD

do the "i love you"

hmm over ten days since i last updated. oh well, most peeps who i know are reading this blog already know that i've been staying at Goa since 18th day. i was really sick for most of the first week here... but i'm mostly okay now ^^ i started working at kataja event/evening service on thursday last week. it's been fun ! and my wrist isn't killing me, yet atleast. i have lost weight, aiski-shi's jeans are hardly staying up when i walk xD i'm glad thought that i have lost weight, and gotten fit. muscles, muscles, i love theeeeem~~~ all the things there i've been trying to fit in my head have caused me some stress and feeling stupid, useless even. but i'm getting there. today i left in my first workhourlist, 7 days of salary i shall await. and on monday i'll get the workclothes, finally. and no orders anywhere, yet. happyyyy !
aisuki is not here today, and wasn't at work, either. she had her wisdom tooth removed and left to lahti before i even got "home"...
agh i'm dying for some salty greasy lardy stuff... and candy x____x *death*

oh well. my brains fell on off mode. can't write anything more. i know i had something i wanted to get out of my system. fuck this. i'll go get a lonkero from the balcony.

life is hell.
i would like to write down my feelings about the days i spent in helsinki, since a lot happened, but i'm too tired. it's fucking draining, you know ? to constantly be on the breaking point.
ah fuck this, i've got my long drink, tortilla chips, candy and the ultimate fighter. i'm a happy fucker for few hours.

TURPA KII, PÄIN VITTUA, HUI HAI !!

yo. i'm at mims' place, still debating werther or not i should try and get in to that Pride women only party. a part of me is sort of afraid that i'll run into some people from few years back and that can be either good or bad. sigh. so i drink booze and try to think. i'm starting to think that i should atleast go and check if i can get in... agh i hate this.
off to balcony and smoke with mims. and drink. more. blaah.