been here before, couldn't say i liked it

do i start writing all this down?
just let me plug you into my world
can't you help me be uncrazy?

name this for me, heat the cold air
take the chill off of my life
and if i could i'd turn my eyes
to look inside to see what's comin'

oh fucking god i want booze. and i'm so sick my eyes are about to fall off. i hate this situation so fucking much.

new year is coming. i wonder what it will bring.

free to speak my mind anywhere

i want some fucking booze.

//edit: i fucking missed alko by some fucking 3 minutes. how fucking sad. so instead staying sober, i head to s-market and buy... BEER. seriously, i fucking hate beer. except corona, and even that i can drink like one bottle at time. but, alas, here is where hippu (WTF THEY HAVE WEBPAGES) comes in: i go there too broke to buy anything else but beer. and i ain't fucking drinking some lappari. so i buy foster's. geez, it's actually good. or maybe i'm just becoming so alcoholic i don't care anymore what i drink. i still won't drink red wine or rosé, no fucking way. *pops open teh beer can* ahhhhhhhhhhhh fuck yes. beer, you're my friend now. mmm-mmmh yes. muahahha.

someone get me a shirt like this:


christmas is coming, and haven't even noticed. so much for having fucking christmas-spirit. yeah.

but no one ever tells you that forever feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head

i smoke too much.
i drink too much.
and i don't really care.

ugh. i wish i had more booze.

come crawling faster

ONKS PAKKO MENNÄ TÖIHIN JOS EI HALUU =)))

yeah just had get that off my "chest". no really, i dun wanna go to work. nooooooy sir no. i just wanna sit on my fat butt, watch met dvd and get shitfaced. no can do, should actually be running already. fuck, i'm supposed to visit alko before work. think i need to catch a train this time, no way i'm gonna make it if i'm walking... fucking hell. but i only have half a bottle of wine and that's not even close being enough. fucking whee.

shit, maybe i'll just finish this fucking entry when i actually have time.

BURN MOTHERFURCKER BURN !!!!!!

so imah working man now. yey. shopping center/mall is where i spend my jollygood evenings, running around the parking halls collecting shopping carts and keeping the place in order, and at the bottle returning point, shuffling with the nasty stinking slimy old booze bottles. woohoo. i got the cart part of the deal in control pretty much perfectly by now, since i started my work on a day some dude got fired. meaning that no-one had time to actually teach me anything and friday+saturday are the busiest days of the week, so spent the days running with teh trolleys and tadah, mastered that art. but the bottle returning point stuff... ugh, there's just too many machines i'd need to know by heart and today was really my first day trying out with those. easy for doras (my co-worker) to say it's really simple, he's been doing that ages already... so i stressed alot. AND to make this day perfect, my phone is gone ! one moment (when i left for a trolley-run) it was in my pocket, and a while after that it's not there. chances are it fell when i was at the parking hall and somebody stole it (FUCK THEM) OR the more evil and nasty and crying worthy thing: it fell on the lines of the machines that take bottles and cans to these CRUSHING machines and poor poor phone dies a nasty horrible death. whatever happened, the result is the same: NO PHONE. i was so fucking pissed off when i ran around tracing back my steps and nothing. had to apologize doras a few times since i disappeared in the middle of a round. god fucking hell how much i wanted to start smashing things. anger management, this is it ! handling the trashglass bottles was helping to sooth my fuming a little (you basically just throw them in this container with as much of strength you wanna...) but still. rest of the day went on with this huge need to start breaking stuff/things(/people...). fucking shit. and oh, just to make things super cheery: my mp3-player runs out of batteries six pmish. so i have no phone, no music, nothing to raise my mood. so i smoked probably a ton and fumed 'till the end of the day. time went surprisingly fast thought.

i would SO bad want to get drunk right now. and all booze this house has is one lonkero (which is almost gone already). FUCK THIS SHIT. anyone who has booze, wanna come and drink with me or invite me over ? =)

ah fuck. maybe i'll just watch some kind of monster again.

shit, how am i gonna call kataja and sonera insurance tomorrow with no phone ??????????? FUCKING HELL. LIFE SCREW YOU GO KICK SOMEONE ELSE !

the door cracks open but there's no sun shining through

it's times like these you learn to live again. bohoo foo fighters lyrics. but it's good. it's times like these i also am reminded of how frail this all is.
i just came back home from hippu (a bar/ restaurant near our house), after a nice hangout with some dude named kaapo and his friend juhis. kaapo bought me a tar-shot. damn it was good. i wanna go to ale or some place that's as cheap as it is and drink 'till my head shuts down completely. today i felt i wanted to drink so much i wouldn't even be able to stand up. but it was not possible, hence the fact that could only afford a beer and that combined with the wine i had drank earlier+ the shot kaapo bought me wasn't really enough to get me wasted. too bad. it would have been nice. the bad points of living so far from your friends = no-one to drink with and no place is open later than 2 am. k5-club (which is just a mile or so away from here) is open 'till 4 am, i think. but well... no munny.
that shot got my system wired up way too much. alcohol, my dear friend. lol. maybe i should just go to sleep ? i dunno.

beat that fucking meat boy !

internet crashlanded today i.e. did not work at all. that is, before i moved teh laptop in the livingroom/kitchen (i left music playing while i was out, it wasn't even loud, but you could hear it loud and clear to the stairs.... oops). and tadah, not only all the people walking the stairs have to no longer listen metallica, i also has net ! yay.
i finally got the laundry pass thingy for us today. yay for that too. and now, now i'm contemplating should take the allergytablet or not. i really don't wanna, because then... oh well, i can't really drink. and i wanna drink :D but as i am busy waiting for this bleach to affect my allergy is kinda bothering me... oh fucking well.
hoho media player loves bronski beat *shakes around the room* i'm counting on dtm in this, meaning that i hope they have this song. i'm almost certain they have it. i wanna danceeeee !
hmmm need to wash this shit off my head soon. and then shower and hurry to myrtsi and alko. mah girl wants booze. so me goes and buys some for her. such a fucking nice person i am, true true.
i might need to bleach this lame excuse of hair again later today... it will most likely be orange after this first round is done. and i hate orange. on my head. yeah.

this entry really had no train of thought at all, you know ?

dreams of war, dreams of liars, dreams of dragon fire

spent the saturday and sunday with borgir. i really had a blast, even thought we didn't really do anything special, just drank some booze, ate tons of fatty stuff and lagged front of the tv :D back to basics, i say !
yesterday when i was coming back home (or trying) the snowstorm had managed to fuck up the train traffic, so it was so so that the train even came... it was freezing and windy, and i was dying, but still i liked the weather. would have been a perfect weather to shoot a mv or something... hmmm.
moomi answered my mail, at last ! she doesn't have any grannyratties atm but a few will have babies during december and would possibly be in a need for a home in the beginning of the new year... i'm intrigued, definitely. must reply her when i have time and my brains are co-operating. now, i need to suck cafeine in my system and get ready to go. i have an interview with OPTEAM at 3pm. really couldn't care less. customerserving job is REALLY not my cup of tea, so to say. blaah. but i just need some kind of job, can't really afford to be too selective right now. fuck this shit, man.

gah.

hush little baby don't say a word
and never mind that noise you heard
it's just the beasts under your bed
in your closet and in your head

i know it's really hard to see

gaaaaah. a drunkard entry, i hope i hope i won't fuck this up somehow. i was at anssu's party with my girl, but i really ended up hanging with this guy called niko. i really can't remember his irc nick XD bleaargh.
ok my girl want's to sleep. i gotta go to wash my teeth. ugh so much responsibilities...

and she said...

long time, no updates. been working HARD, been tired, and gah. and oh, waking up wwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaayyyy too early on few mornings (been staying at my girl's place, i have to be out of the door 20 minutes earlier than usual............). aiski-shi sorta quit at evening service today. sad. not good. i have to wake up EARLY alone and go to work alone. boohoo.
but YEAHHH. now i'm at my girl's place AGAIN. we're gonna leave soon, to make an appearance at a party of some friend of my girl. i hope to higher powers i'm not going to be the oldest person in there (ok, this friend's mom is there too but....) XD need to drink some more white wine<333
something again broke my line of thought and i forgot what i was going to write here... damn. but. leaving soon. muahhahahah *hugo laughter*

OH BTW FUCK I'VE GOT HUGE MUSCLES !!!!!!! XDDDDDDDD

remember how i made you scream

i'm tired, pissed off, and totally not in the mood to explain anything to anyone and take the blame of something that really isn't my fault. fuck this. i'm going to alko, getting some booze, then somewhat drunk y/y ? =))

face the pain

i would SO much want to get wasted off my head. not happening.
that goddamn kaakki had kicked my filly's legs open again today. bad. i'm fucking going to kill that horse's owner soon.
gah can't write. brainfailure. fuck this.

TURPA KII, PÄIN VITTUA, HUI HAI !!

yo. i'm at mims' place, still debating werther or not i should try and get in to that Pride women only party. a part of me is sort of afraid that i'll run into some people from few years back and that can be either good or bad. sigh. so i drink booze and try to think. i'm starting to think that i should atleast go and check if i can get in... agh i hate this.
off to balcony and smoke with mims. and drink. more. blaah.