i damn near had a fucking panic attack just a while ago. i fucking hate this so much. so so so goddamn much. sometimes i just want to run away and never see any of these people again. would save me and them a lot headache.
right now i feel agitated and would like to get the hell outta here. i'd need to be alone and think (which is really not good but..) and listen some music and fucking cry my eyes out. i don't know. i'll try to push this choking away and fake okay. i probably fail, but fucking same difference.

when the seas and mountains fall

just finished watching fellowship of the ring extented version. gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah lotrpdgdfjgohidf<333
yesterday horseflies (paarmat fuck) tried to eat me and filly alive. evil evil nasty thingies >8( !! i have bitemarks all over my arms and my legs... riding is no fun for me or my ponny these days, stupid paarmas *hissssssssssss*
oh yeah. i bought this kulta lonkero yesterday, eves recommended it to me :D it tastes just like TEHO ! jollygood. but i still like normal lonkero better. hmm hmm hmm.

i still keep having these feelings of suffocation, anger... feeling useless and empty and ugly. i hope they will pass soon. i really hope.

i think i need to fix up something to eat. can't cycle if no energy.