i'm already love addict

oh fuck. i'm so screwed. here i sit and sip coffee and get nothing doneeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :D weee. must. pack. stuff. fuck this shit.

i know that it's killing me, and it's poisoning the best of me

how much luck can one person have. my over a week lasting headache exploded on saturday, leaving me needing a visit to hospital... i got medicines which cost a fortune. and sickleave. the doctor thought that it's not a good idea if go to work on monday. and NOW i agree with her, hence the fact that i woke up few hours ago to a feeling of PAIN. my head hurt, my eyes hurt, my airways were feeling blocked and i had sweat the sheets and my t-shirt all wet. nice. so i popped the antibiotics in my mouth and some pain killers and headed to soak myself in boiling hot shower for half an hour. it helped to get some of the slime residing in my lungs and ontelotvity to come out... ah shit i still need to pack up all the stuff i will need since i'm not coming back to kotka that soon. and i need to and visit some offices and my apartment to get bills and stuff out. fucking hell.
oh yeah, as if it isn't all too cheery already: i think i broke my toe yesterday 8) the little toe of my right foot, it's been broken a number of times before so it's nothing new. but it hurts xD i rule the art of FAIL.

i remember all of your dreams

still @ goa. sorta missed my workinterview to kotka's mcdonald's. i'm not sure i care.
days have been... well, what the days often here are :D tomorrow i'm probably going back to kotka, or friday morning maybe. missing my fillyjay terribly.
now me & norbax are gonna take off and head to town centre and buy some artstuff she's dying to get.

np. RUN - SHINHWAAAAAAAAAAA ;;_________;;<333333333

and I can tell you my love for you will still be strong, after the boys of summer have gone

hohohohHOHOHOH 8D

i have fucking been up since 5:20 am and now i stop to take a breath ! went to take care of the morningchores at stables. i.e. fed the pretties and took them out. mims came there with me. yuca was supposed to come too, but *krhm* something happened XD so it was just me and mims. she took maycon and i took my precioussss<33
we rode to kalmankuja, where pertti gave bread to the girls, vili almost stomped bioska and yuca decided to jump on a bike and come to the river with us :D vili seemed highly amused by the guy biking next to her, and shen we were on our way back she decided she wasn't letting juube go faster and past her with his bike. so she jumped up a gait and ran<3 mah baby was having so much fun ^^
when we got to katis, mims threw yuube on maikki's saddle and he rode the rest of the trip. he seemed so happy :D

GODDAMNIT ! i should be at kotkansaari already ;________; that fucking byrokratiapaska closes at 3 or 3:30 pm ! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK. i think i'll be forced to walk all the way to kyminlinna desu. blaaaaaaaaaaaargh.

i'm outta cigs ;___;

oh shit anni & saana are jumping to their bus soon P___P shait.

face the pain

i would SO much want to get wasted off my head. not happening.
that goddamn kaakki had kicked my filly's legs open again today. bad. i'm fucking going to kill that horse's owner soon.
gah can't write. brainfailure. fuck this.

voi muna

tahon nyt kirjottaa suomeks koska aivot EI TOIMI !

... mie en tiiä ! uskaltauduin viimeinki laittaa viestii raunille, kesti homokauan psyykkaa itteni siihen, koska en vaan KEHTAA 8( plus en mie vittu tiiä haluuko ihmiset et ees tulisin hesaan, kun en oo bilerintamaan tunkees kuitenkaa. mie en tiiä perkele mitää. väyläski asiat vaa oli sellast yhy syyllistävää sävyy ja pilkunnussintaa ko ei ollu vakiotyöntekijät paikal ollenkaa vaa jouduin sokeltaa joillee jotka näin tyylii ekaa kertaa sil konsertti matkal ja ARGH VITTU. sekavaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. mut ainaki tuli selväks et hei mun raha-asiat kusee rankast ja ne tulee vaan kusemaan lisää. siispä... *selaa mollii* JOTAIN KIITOSHH ELÄMÄ.
tahon juua. lagaa mimbsanpimbsan kans telkun ees ja pelaa pleikkaa ja kirjottaa seikkaluu ja lipittää jotaa "limuu" ja röhöttää tyhmille (read: laadukkaille) jutuille. laatu is us. always.
tai ehk oikeesti vaan jään lagaa kotkaa ja vithy homehun palasiks ja löllöilen ympäriinsä. niinku se vihree öggö digimon joka heittelee liilaa paskaa, mikäs se oli, NUMEMON ! joo. miun tulevaisuus. muahaha.

HABL HABL JA MUUTA KAKKAA >8OO

//EDIT: HABL HABL ! keräkkää miulle kolehti et pääsen naistenbileisii ;____; olis ehk just sen verran täpäkkää mut ehk tahdon syädä jotain vkl :D ITKU POTKU RAIVARI.

HABL HABL !

ainii. i present to you: MY FUTURE !

like gunshots heard against a silent night

Some how I feel like screaming my lungs out, so hard that my head would explode. I feel like something is pressing my chest in and I can hardly breathe and my head spins. Why am I always so damn afraid of getting cheated ?? Well, it's happened before, so I seem to find it impossible to trust that it won't happen again. And there's really no-one I can talk with about this, because well, "news" travel fast and blaaah fuck.
Plus it annoys me that it seems I HAVE TO BE the one to bring myself completely down and into huge financial problems if I want to see people who are dear to me. It feels like no-one else really wants to spend that much money on seeing me. Funny. Not really. Hurting, yes. Just my mind ? Maybe.

So I'm off the cemetery duty. For at least 2 weeks now. My hand is failing me again. And my back. Fucking hell. So much for getting some order in my life.

Damnit I'm tempted not to post this at all or just post a super edited version, because I know that well... sigh.

Gonna take a shower and watch The Ultimate Fighter. My only joys lol.

i can't keep telling myself what i want to hear
i can't just close my eyes

i know that
its killing me
and its poisoning the best in me
what i see i don't want to believe
so let me tell you more
about the lies i lead