i am an armsdealer, fitting you with weapons in the form of words

my whole body hurts, i'm coughing so hard i can't even sleep and there's nothing wrong with me =) thank you finnish healthcare. you suck. apparently it's nothing if a person can't breath properly, pulse is racing over hundred per minute... according to that i'm just imagining this. there's nothing wrong with me. yay. too bad that i know my body, and something's not right now. i need to go and visit the closest health center today. i'm just not sure if it's even open (it says on their doors that they're open 24/7 but they weren't open yesterday, so...) and calling is useless, that only works on weekdays. i seriously don't wanna go back to that same place i was last night. maybe i'll go to maria or something, maybe they'd be a little more fucking interested in the health of someone. ah fuck, this all just makes me feel so paranoid, like if i am really imagining this all :D you know, i HATE going to hospitals and seeing doctors. mainly because it always leads to me trying to fight them to understand that something is wrong. and because it ALWAYS goes like that i usually wait for ages in case the whatever would go away by itself (and usually it works) and only go to see a doctor if i'm really feeling bad. or someone else (usually mom...) beats me to going in. i'm a stubborn bastard, yeah i know, but that's just how i like things. i don't want to ask for help, i absolutely despise being dependant. i have a hate issue here it seems.
i should leave already and try to find a doctor. too bad that search will most likely take me hours and tons of miles... bleaargh.

good day to be alive

here i am, @ kotka again. came here last night (for once i was moving early, not in the middle of the night....), ate myself silly, lagged in front of the telly watching all kinds of shit and petted the kitties<3 and ofcourse sipped some wine. today i had to wake up at 8 am, to get my youngest brother up and to take our little old grandpa doggy out. i was supposed to go and escort my mom from the hospital, but it turned out it wasn't necessary, so i'm just waiting for her cab to come here now. and after that i'll be waiting for one bro to come home so i can leave to stablesssss ! fillyjay, how fucking much have i missed her ;___;<3 i could have spent whole november here with her since i wasn't working anyway... booh, what's done is done, no use fretting over that anymore. what matters is that i'll have these three days with my prettyling<3

mghaisfhsaf. i know i had something in mind but wow and behold, it's fucking gone. my brains are such a mass of concentrated failure these days. the bottleroom must be to blame, i'm sure. yeah right. i fucking hope i hear from the g4s soon and something positive. even thought i love this brainless, physical work, i know my joints aren't gonna take it much longer. which really sucks mofo ass. oh bummer, just need to start going to some gym and pump iron. not really my cup of tea, hence the fact that i've NEVER been good at training by my self. i'm too lazy. maybe the security guard job would motivate me enough.

sigh i want a bass.
and yeah ! snooping through my brothers cd collection i found out he has not only garage inc. (which i knew he had) but also ride the lightning, kill 'em all and master of puppets ! and he doesn't even listen to metallica anymore... and i'm such a bad "fan" to say this, but garage inc. is really the only one of those four albums i like :D i mean, i like some songs out of those, but it's something about james' voice when he was younger that really doesn't love my ears xD i like the songs but only maybe live versions that have "matured" james singing them (OR JASON n___n).... buahahhaha.

okay enough of this bable, bitch, shut the fuck up. and go do something useful. not.

i remember all of your dreams

still @ goa. sorta missed my workinterview to kotka's mcdonald's. i'm not sure i care.
days have been... well, what the days often here are :D tomorrow i'm probably going back to kotka, or friday morning maybe. missing my fillyjay terribly.
now me & norbax are gonna take off and head to town centre and buy some artstuff she's dying to get.

np. RUN - SHINHWAAAAAAAAAAA ;;_________;;<333333333