there's a dirty needle in your child, haha, stick me

hi just popping by to say that SUMMER COME FUCKING FASTER. i'm on a huge gig mood (shinedown, plz come back guys) and fucking can't wait to see met ! there's girugamesh gig abt a month from now, but i don't think that 'll help me with my gig fever, because well i'm a bit over j-bands. and the fans, oh the fucking disgusting fans. i'll just have to get drunk for that gig. but ! anygays. summer. drinking. warm. sun. outdoors. friends. getting drunk. gigs.

and i wanna go to the u.s. bay area, it's fucking calling me so bad. neone wanna biff me few 1000 euros.

bang on the snaredrum. nobody laughs.

i'm so in love with rorschach. seriously. killer. wtf.
and my skin is so dry it feels like it's cracking up.
i'm going to kotka on monday. go my workshift changed to morning one, so i can start my "journey" already after 3pm. which is nothing but good.
why the fuck am i even still awake.
i should be sleeping.
i have work at 11am TODAY.
and i'm drunk.
i'm gonna die.
no really.

i really should go to sleep.

and you want to know where the winds come from

whoops i drank a whole bottle of wine. or actually one and half. oops. i wasn't supposed to. i really didn't mean to :D but the food we made was so gooooood (minced meat crepes with cheese) and i ummm just happened to open the the second bottle while we were playing sims2.... oops. and i have to be at work by 12:30 pm. ho shit. now i'm gonna pop a pill in my mouth and head to bed. what sleeping schedule, never heard of it. i guess i'm just too damn stupid. but what the fuck really xD

i run but it stays right by my side

ah fuck this.

so tell me why you've chosen me
don't want your grip, don't want your greed
don't want it

i'll tear me open make you gone
no more can you hurt anyone
and the fear still shakes me
so hold me, until it sleeps

i'm so fucking tired. and maybe slightly drunk. yeah.

can we please turn back time on my part so it's like maybe 1986-1993 ?? puhfuckingleaze ?

can i just fucking skip back in time a little ?

'scuse me while i tend to how i feel

this week i finally got to watch the some kind of monster-dvd that bought a few months back. i really recommend it. not to all of you who might be reading this, because well, some people just can't get so much out of it. yeah. but. this made me want to listen to metallica again. i guess, in a way, metallica has always been a band that i've liked. from like the age of maybe 12. at times it fades on the background, but now that i think of it, i've always liked listened some of their songs, and now... well, my inner metallica-fan has again been awoken. there's something about this band that really attracts me. i'm not making much sense am i ? no biggy, those who understand, i give you a thumbs up .D i really had an idea how to put this in words but it sort of has slipped my mind. oh well.

yesterday i went to see that dark knight batman movie with my girl. i was positively surprised, i actually liked that movie. i didn't expect to, it's been praised too much imo. but i liked it. joker = <3
today, well my girl wants to party. i don't know how i feel. not really in a party mood i guess ? maybe i don't feel like going out in a group and pretending that i'm having fun ? because i feel like that's what it would be. or then i would get shitfaced and have fun until i feel too sick. don't get me wrong, i am most likely going to get drunk today, but shitfaced was not a part of my plans. what plans ?? i don't have any.
and what is this strange choking i feel nowadays ? i feel.. trapped, restrained, held back. i don't know.
i don't know ! that's the most used phrase for me these times. i don't fucking know. my head is just so fucked up right now. everything seems to be fucked up. fuck. FUCK.

okay forget all of that. yeah. maybe i should just head to the gym and pump some iron. beat the hell outta myself. that would actually do good. hmmmm.


Mama, they try and break me.
The window burns to light the way back home
A light that warms no matter where they've gone.
They're off to find the hero of the day
But what if they should fall by someone's wicked way?
Still the window burns, time so slowly turns
Someone there is sighing
Keepers of the flames
Do you feel your names?
Do you hear your babies crying?
Mama they try and break me
Still they try and break me
'Scuse me while I tend to how I feel
These things return to me that still seem real
Now deservingly this easy chair
But the rocking stops by wheels of despair
Don't want your aid
But the fist I've made for years won't hold or feel
No I'm not all me
So please excuse me while I tend to how I fell
But now the dreams and waking screams that ever last through the night (echoed between James and Jason)

So build the wall behind it crawl and hide until it's light
Can you hear your babies crying now?
Still the window burns
Time so slowly turns
And someone there is sighing
Keepers of the flames, can't you feel your names?
Can't you hear your babies crying?
But now the dreams and waking screams that
ever last the night
So build a wall behind it crawl
And hide until it's light
So can't you hear your babies crying now?
Mama they try and break me
Mama they try and break me
Mama they try and break me
Mama they try mama they try
Mama they try and break me
Mama they try and break me
Mama they try and break me
Mama they try and break me
Mama they try and break me
Mama they try and break me
Mama they try Mama they try

i know it's really hard to see

gaaaaah. a drunkard entry, i hope i hope i won't fuck this up somehow. i was at anssu's party with my girl, but i really ended up hanging with this guy called niko. i really can't remember his irc nick XD bleaargh.
ok my girl want's to sleep. i gotta go to wash my teeth. ugh so much responsibilities...

remember how i made you scream

i'm tired, pissed off, and totally not in the mood to explain anything to anyone and take the blame of something that really isn't my fault. fuck this. i'm going to alko, getting some booze, then somewhat drunk y/y ? =))

face the pain

i would SO much want to get wasted off my head. not happening.
that goddamn kaakki had kicked my filly's legs open again today. bad. i'm fucking going to kill that horse's owner soon.
gah can't write. brainfailure. fuck this.