After some "things" rising up and stirring my head in a huge mess on Monday evening (night) I came to Helsinki on Tuesday morning, to get things straightened out. And so it happened. Everything seems so fucking difficult, but we'll work it out. And now, I'm just happy. Going back to Kotka tomorrow morning doesn't seem appealing at all...
All in all life is a mess, but I fucking love it.

YO! Today I'm heckalot cheerier, even thought I got up at 6:15 am :D Reason: Nora's hereee~~~ I was supposed to be energetic and start cleaning the place up but.... Anygays, vappu seems to be getting better as the day wears on ^^ And tomorrow <3

My last entry was over all negative, so this is one big change: I'm fucking happy inside. Many things led to this and even thought the way things took place could have been different, I'm happy they did happen. Just have to remember still to keep my head leveled. Getting too comfortable too soon doesn't lead to anything good. Been there, done that, and I really don't want to ruin this. Taking things slowly might seem the cowards way, but hey, I care abt this and want this to work. Ho shit I got all negativeyish again :D
Other than being happy and conflicted still, I'm highly waiting for Wednesday. My girls are coming to Kotka for vappu and oh I'm so happyyy~~ Summer is coming. In a way I feel weirdly empty about everything, and it scares me. I'm afraid I will fall again, and this time there will be no strength left to pick me up. Then it's it, nothing left... okay, I get to the negatives again. I should be happy.
More coffee and a cig, those will cheer me up.

I miss something that would turn my life upside down. In a flash. With a fucking bang. I just want to ditch this whole situation I'm forged to call a life now. Just go somewhere and forget about all this shit I have to put up with here. New shit would ofcourse arise, but... who cares ? I hate being lied to, and being treated like fucking air until I suddenly am useful in someway again. How hard is it really to say everything straight to me ? Or is it that it really doesn't matter if my feelings get smashed ? Oh le sigh. Can't be too bothered to care.
Right now I'm setting my head on a mission, to get my abs working and neat. I'm on mah way ! Other than that I guess I'll just be waiting for the summer to come. Summer, I hope, will be good, and full of all things I miss now.

Damn I'm dying for a drink. Should I go to Seurahuone perhaps...

One thing that annoys me is promises. Some people seem to have humongously hard time to keep them. Oh well, another thing to make me see more how these peeps really are.

I visited Helsinki shortly last week (went there thursday and came back friday), totally spontaneous idea was that. But we (me, Saana, Nora & Aiski) got drunk and it was all jolly goodnessss. Before one of us decided to fail HARD and right before that we got a visit from the police. Whoops. They said that someone living next door can't sleep because we be so f'n loud. Like wtf ?? We were sooooooooooooooo quiet that night that it's not even possible xD Weird stalker grannies A&N have as their neighbours...
And I miss mah girls already so bad ;;______;;

From Sunday I have been at stables and had fun and worked my ass off with all this training. My pony is so sporty ^^<3

I wish so much it's be April already :/

AGH ! I feel almost the same I felt the day before New Years eve 07 and my heart feels like it's about to burst 8DD And all it took to make me feel like this was one question that cleared some thoughts in mine and her head, and now I wanna flyyyy ! April please come soon, so I can see her again. Oh, other peeps too, but above all her... I FUCKING ADMIT: I AM HAVING A CRUSH HERE, HELLOU WORLD !!!

Ok, damn. It's thursday and I want to have a drink. Gotta SMS Snii if she would be interested. She and Hels, maybe.
GODDAMNIT ! Fucking felt so alive inside in ages !

The surgery has been moved. When it will take place ? No idea. Most likely next month. For now I'm just trying get better with this stupid flu.

I wonder if anyone would be interested in having some drinks tonight ?

So it happens that I got sick. I was supposed to go out and party with Angie on Friday, and with Saana on Saturday. Did no happen, because I was kinda busy eating pils to stay conscious. Blah. Well, I hope we can have a new try this weekend. I need to go and dance my brains off, for fucks sake.

I miss A so badly... and I have no idea if she misses me too or not. Hell, I don't even know what exactly feels for me. Sucks.
But I miss so many other people too. I'm hugely bummed about the fact that I didn't get to go to Marjaana's last party. Money money money. Well, when she's over the treatments which BETTER go fucking well, we'll have the tooga-party ^^ Me, Nora-chan, Terhi-chan & Marji-chan. That's going to be later this year...

Now I should call the hospital and ask about my surgery. Like are they going to operate me if I still have this horrible cough. Difficult, things are.

Today

I'm here all alone. Nora-chan went to school and Aiski-shi went to work. So I listen to girugamesh and create stuff like this.
Helsinki has been awfully nice, as usual. And I already miss Anni... It's going to be months and months before we'll meet again.

I think I'm going to cosplay Satoshi. Werther or not I get the group around me as a whole. So Satoshi is going to molest Reita at A-con VI ! Yay ! See you there.

Going back to Kotka feels really weird again...