bang on the snaredrum. nobody laughs.

i'm so in love with rorschach. seriously. killer. wtf.
and my skin is so dry it feels like it's cracking up.
i'm going to kotka on monday. go my workshift changed to morning one, so i can start my "journey" already after 3pm. which is nothing but good.
why the fuck am i even still awake.
i should be sleeping.
i have work at 11am TODAY.
and i'm drunk.
i'm gonna die.
no really.

i really should go to sleep.

then it all crashes down
and you break your crown
and you point your finger
but there's no one around

and by the way, i made it through the day

hmmm. been absent here for a while... what's happened ? alot ! and not. but i'm feeling the spring in my bones ! you know, like even in all the shit my mind tries to make up, i still find reasons to be glad i woke up. i guess i have found this sort zen'ish state of mind xD
i've had some terrible days at work (hectic, hard, you name it)... but also wonderful times with dear peeps and some who are becoming dears. it's done some good to me, hanging out with people more often (okay, once a week or so but still!) than once a month or something. there is this social part of me who enjoys times like these so much.
i've also gotten back on track with horses. been riding with takku a few times (again on wednesday<3) and now i got myself a new horse to ride with. i was asked by the owner of the stable to ride with her horse sometimes. and i ofcourse said yes. the first time with that mare, tella is her name, will be tomorrow (... today....) morning. we'll see how that goes.
dear peeps are getting older soon and there's a party coming ! so much planning still ahead and all, not to even mention i have no idea what i'm going to wear there. but it's still good 3 months away, so no immediate need for panic. and i have helping hands and minds, so i won't die.

tomorrow (TODAY) it's korean food with nora<3 if i don't get called to work. i could use the hours, but this time i'd rather not go... we'll see, boss hasn't contacted me yet.
i should already be sleeping. i have to get up at 7 am...... stupid me.
would've wanted to write a long entry with more deep thoughts but i'm too lazy to think deep now.

you're feeding your ego with what you can see outside

OLIPA VITTU PÄIVÄ =)))
just had to get that out. 9 hrs and fuck i'm so dead. why the fuck thursdays must be the beginning of weekend hectics ? gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. and i fucking was right to think that atleast one machine will blow up while i'm alone there ! FUCKING RIGHT. today's food saldo is two portions of cheesemacaronistuff, 2 cheeseburgers, apple... bah and it wasn't too much at all. to make this work thing even more cheery... one of my co-workers called in sick, so me and pellikka are pulling a heavy friday night tomorrow, and my saturday's shift got 3 hrs longer. lovely.
but. tomorrow i have a early rise. we're off to fleamarket hopping with nora. can't wait ^^ just hope the weather is decent. like sunshine, maybe ? and on saturday, after i've died a thousand deaths at work (not) we're off to this 80s party. my brains are overflowing already with thoughts and ideas abt what i'm gonna wear, how i'm gonna do my hair and maybe makeup. too bad that i dyed my hair already, the peroxide blonde would've been ideal. but i'll live. because it's FUCKING 80S PARTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH ! i've been drooling over one for over 2 years now, and that's fucking too long. because 80s is love.
also. it appears i can't afford to go to kotka at all this month. it's gonna have to wait 'till next payday. this kinda sucks, because i miss filly and the kitties and sloughi. but well. i'll live :D i'll just work hard and go riding with takku. heehehee that's another thing i can hardly wait ! i'm going to hop on that horse's back on sunday *__* and after that i'm probably gonna go and have a ride with her every wednesday and friday. bhihbibhibhi forestridinggg<3 wants !

now. i should hop hop and go to lilluskel to the tub and soak myself clean. would sooth my sore muscles maybe.

cause i found a way to steal the sun from the sky

the day before yesterday was random. i had a day off, but instead of lagging around, well i headed to paplari to meet mims. the idea was just to lagg with her and maybe think about doing something to my hair. and what happened? my hair is now some really random color. it seems different in every type of light and i'm not sure yet what i think of it :D okay, i like it. i needed the change. having the same blonde hair for what, 4 months ? that's so not my cup of tea.
ah fuck time flies. i'm having my first ever day shift alone at work. 3 hrs to survive alone. booh. i'm so fucking sure that the machines decide to explode or something just as stupid. i'm fucking sure. damn i need to crab something to eat and start running. hopefully i'll live through these hours.

let me introduce you to the characters in the show

yesterday was a movie day. aka went to see that damn twilight finally with my girl. i'm actually surprised, it didn't suck so much at all. but i still don't understand why the fuck people are so hyped about it. edward cullen seemed so retarded with all that "ohimsomysteriousandevilvampire" eyebrow crunching he did and jazz. and no, he ain't hot. there's just nothing vampire-like about that guy. the evil james was sooooo much hotter *drools* too bad the bad guys always die. in the cullen family well, carlisle was the most vampireish. he was hot too. bella was annoying. yeah. but still, i could watch that movie again. i did get some bad looks in there when i lolled at edward :D i guess i still really laugh out so loud.
the other movie we saw was milk. a true story about harvey milk, this gay guy who decided to fight for the rights of gay people, back in 70s, and was shot in the end... i really recommend that. i have always known that straight-as-an-arrow people can be terrible but it really surprised me how awful some of the people were in that story. i wonder if that bitch anita still lives, or has someone blown her brains out already. she totally would deserve that. she's fucking sick. fucking disgusting.
but watching milk made me miss pride week, and drool even more over the thought of going to san fransisco. just think about it, spending the pride week there. how fucking awesome would that be. wish i had some magical bank accounts holding tons of money. i'd buy the flight tickets immediately. i fucking wanna go.
other than the movies. i bought a new scarf from carlings. had been in need for that for ages. and helsinki still is butt ugly. and the air there is just so.. icky. felt wonderful to get back to vantaa and really breath. amazing what a few miles can do.

AND ! a new little rattie is coming home in a week or so ! or actually maybe in 2 weeks since i won't be in town when the baby will be "up for crabs" so to say. but stiiiiil *__*

and.. bloogh. i don't know. i lost my train of thought. blaa.

yeah, i get it, you're an outcast

over a week has passed since shinedown ! and i haven't written anything. damn.
negays. the gig. even thought i've read tons of people saying that it sucked, that they couldn't hear brent's singing, the crowd was dead (it was... mostly), well screw them ! i fucking loved that gig, and i'd go there ten times again ! i don't understand why people complain they didn't hear the singing. i heard brent loud and clear thorough the show, except for few moment when the crowd around me got too loud (not too loud in a bad way, no no). sure i admit the crowd was really stoic if comparing to most of the gigs i've been to but when you got closer to the stage, that's where the people where more alive. i moshed, jumped, sang, shouted and fucking was having so much fun there. i don't understand why peeps whine so much. shinedown fucking rocked ! i totally fell in love with that band and i can't wait to see them again (i read somewhere they might be coming back in the summer, for some festival, and if not, then in the autumn<3). come back soon guys...
and now i'm royally sick again. still. yeah, still is the right word. i have been sick since december, for fucks sake. this sucks major ass. and i'm deadly afraid i'll get fired because i'm sick so often... well really, if i do get fired, well then that's that. something will always come up.
oh and fucking yay. i just might be getting to see metallica this summer ! sonisphere is this new hard rock festival thingy that tours atleast europe and miiitallicaaa is headlining that thing *__*<3 and they have a show scheduled to 25th of july, in pori. tickets come on sale on monday next week. they cost a ton but i fucking have to have that. i fucking want to see metallica. like, really.
ah fuck. i really need to go to sleep. i haven't slept a single full night since wednesday last week... just a few crappy hours here and there. sucks.

don't you think this outlaw bit's done got out of hand

after some "intense" googling i find myself staring at the picture of my future carehorse to be (if everything goes alright). HELP ME SHE'S 176 FUCKING CM HIGH !! XDD she's fucking huge... i'm so used to thinking that maikki from our stable is huge and she's abt 165 cm... woah. good thing i'm not allowed to ride immediately, i'd need fucking ladders to get up there ! woah. but the horse's name is taktika, she's a pretty chesnut blazehead with perfect long legs for cross country. the pic only tells half of the truth so i will see how she really is on tuesday ^^ can't wait ! but man... she's so big....... i think i really like smaller horses better than those elephant halves they breed these days xD but we'll see how we get along (me and the owner (found her on facebook......................................... u__u) and the mare ofcourse). on tuesday. yeah. shit i'm starting to get nervous here ! fock.

fucking burger king

aah. i survived the cruise, alive and well ! didn't get seasick, didn't get drunk, my cabinmates didn't get TOO drunk... and sweden was nice. i mean like the old town. gallerian and the other stuff weren't so inspiring for me (there were shops i would have liked to buy few things from but...). the walkstreet thingy had it's pretty parts (some random little shops in pretty buildings) but all in all i enjoyed the old town much more. which is not at all surprising. i love even the old parts of porvoo, so it's obvious that i will love every old town parts i go to. the conclusion being this: cruises aren't really my cup of tea. i really liked being on that ship, hanging on the deck and wathing the dark ocean<3 but the time spent on foreign land is too short. i.e. cruises aren't for me :D at least not in the way most people seem to like them (get shitfaced, be hangover while going to the other land... etc). i'd like to go and spend atleast a few whole days on ground of for example sweden. the cruiseship is a nice way to get across the sea here, that i don't mind. six hours just isn't enough for me. all in all i liked the cruise (i think i should write down more about it, but i'm too tired now) and this helped me realize that no, i will not go on the cruise our company is arranging. it would be free and headed to tallinna, but i really don't want to go and spend 24 hrs with drunk people. it would be alright if i would have a private cabin or something so i would get to actually sleep, instead of trying to, while drunken workmates keep me awake. i will go on a cruise again, but it will be different then :D

baah maybe i'll write more when i've slept some. yeah.

but me, i like sleeping

"it feels so nice to have your girl's warm back against your hurting one" that's something i thought last night when i was really in pain and trying to fall a asleep. she was so warm and nice<3
but still i'm so tired it's not even possible with 10 hrs of sleep. i blame this cough. gotta wake up now, damnit ! i need to be out of the door something 2 pmish. must get to mims's 3pmish. and then we're off to the harborrrr. i wish i had a million to spend, so this cruise wouldn't feel so difficult in a way. i.e. i have to really watch what i buy and eat. damn, i don't even have any kruunor yet. do i need those ? i don't know. on my bank's webpages it says that i can use this card abroad too. it just costs more. so i might not need the kroonorna at all. i don't know yet, must consult mims & juube when i get there. but hey ! i'm finally crossing finland's borders, damnit ! fucking 22 years it took. heheheh.
and damn i had almost forgotten the gig on sunday: shinedown. it was something that was decided really randomly, like: "let's go see shinedown, they have this one good song and that's the only one i've heard. here, listen" "hey, that's really good. yeah, let's go see them!" so nora bought the tickets and we're going. whoops. i still haven't heard more music from them than this one album, but it's good, so the gig must be good too :D the talk abt shinedown says that they're a great live band, so i'm counting on that. too bad that the volbeat gigs are sold out (i think?), they would've been another band i'd be interested in seeing live.
fuck i should jump up offa mah fat ass and pack. clock's ticking illegally fast again today. my bag's going to be so full of meds and stuff like that....